Side note: for the next three phases of this ongoing mild rant I want to bring up what I like to call the IPod trio. These next three phases are more comical to me than annoying. I don’t get as mad at these three as I do all of the others, but none the less, these three are still bothersome to many people sharing the communal gym.

Phase Nine of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Don’t: sing at the top of your lung while you listen to your IPod
It does not take a genius to realize that when you have your IPod volume cranked past “turn it the f’ down already,” your voice seems to project itself at higher decibels than usual. Why is this you ask, well it’s a matter of simple physicality’s really. You see the Lady Gaga Technocratic remix ft. Soulja Boy or whatever other god awful song you are blaring, is playing directly in your ear drum at a high level of capacity sound waves. This in turn blocks out external as well as internal interior sounds, like your own William Hung-like voice that makes you yourself want to cry whenever your head phones aren’t embedded in those tiny little ear drums of yours. And it’s perfectly ok that you have a dreadful singing voice, hell my own car radio tells me to shut up when I’m alone with it, that’s how bad my singing pipes are. Its not the signing itself that irritates others or makes me laugh, it’s the fact that everyone can hear you singing and on top of that everyone has to hear you at very high and extremely putrid levels. I do not want to be mid bench and have to hear your tone deaf acapella version of “loving you.” Last week I will have to say that I got a huge kick out of this exact scenario. I am in between a set of bicep curls just relaxing when out of no where this dude, this gargantuan of a human being actually, just bursts out into song (but of course only for a couple lines at a time). The dude next to me on the cable cross over machine  is in mid motion and completely falters and gets thrown off balance by this man’s startling yelp. It actually isn’t all that funny because the guy on the cable cross over machine totally almost rips his shoulder out of the socket when he was thrown off balance because of the tremendous singing talents of Baby Huey on the lat pull downs (waiting to start a new rep).

Do: keep it to yourself and sing in your head or under you breathe like the rest of us
Personally I could care less, I think it is hilarious. But after speaking with a couple of people at the gym and seeing its destructive effects on cross cable man, I realize that it is certainly a nuisance when people sing at the top of their lungs when they are listening to their IPods loudly at the gym. Listen – if you can hear me over your obnoxious singing voice – please just keep it in the voice box. There’s really not much else to say other than it is a spectacle or a distraction or in some cases a health hazard. So for the well being of others ear drums and limbs, try your best to not to let your inner Pavarotti out while in the gym. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase Eight of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”
Don’t: Use three to five machines/benches/weights at once

Ever since the p-90X and cross fit workouts have become so popular, this has been a phenomenon that I have witnessed in the gym. And While both of those types of workouts are insanely good for you (in most cases) and do yield substantial results, they don’t really pan out in the common gym dynamic, the way that people tend to go about them. When I say “the way that people go about them,” I mean the way people go about hording equipment. For instance, yesterday when I was at the gym, I noticed that a guy on the cross cables had three different types of attachments on the ground next to him and then one that he was using on the cross cables themselves. I just thought they were there because someone just didn’t put them up when they were finished, but that was not in fact the case. A man came up and asked, can I use that one (pointing at the attachment for triangular tricep extension) and the guy on the cross cables said “no I’m using that one.” The guy asking, looked puzzled but then fine, and then he asked can I sue that one (pointing at the attachment for the straight bar) and the guy said “no I am actually using all of these right now for a cycle workout – I will be done in about 20 minutes if you want to use them.” Really though??!!! I wanted to walk over there and just snatch one and give it to the other guy, but then I would be doing the crap that I hate that other people do at the gym. In a sense that a person is restraining other people from being able to use the gym when they come in and the only time that should ever really happen is when the gym is actually packed to capacity and you have to wait to use a machine. In this case, it was not even close. It was 11pm at night and hardly a soul was around at the gym – which is why (I later found out) is the reason that the guy trying to use the equipment goes late at night. It is probably why the other guy goes as well, so that he can get those types of cross fit workouts in- which is fine but not when you are taking up four pieces of equipment and not letting others who want to, use them. But this does not just simply happen at big gyms at late hours, this happens during peak prime time hours when equipment is scarce to begin with and it also happens at smaller and residential gyms where equipment is scarce to begin with. I was in my building gym and a guy was on a five machine cycle and I went to hop on one and he was like, bro I am using that, so I said alright. Then, I hopped onto the next one and he was like, man I am using that one too. At that point I laughed (because I had already seen him use three other pieces of equipment) and worked out anyways letting him work on that machine in between sets – which mind you, out of five sets, he only needed to work in once. He probably thinks that I am rude for laughing at him and going about my workout and to an extent I am but – you can’t take up ¾’s of the gym and expect no one else to try and cut in.

Do’s: be MINDFUL (it’s broad but the explanation covers it)

I am all for these types of workouts, because like I said previously, they are quite effective and they are becoming more and more popular. Just be mindful when doing them. If you are using four pieces of equipment and two people jump on two of those machines go about your workout and when you get to those two machines see if you can work in with those people on their accord in between their sets, so that you are not holding people up. And the guy late at night, that is perfect planning. Go later at night when less people are there, so you can do these types of workouts. But if other people want to use the equipment you have stock piled, by all damn means please let them and if it is that crucial to your workout, ask if you can work in with them. People have just as much right to the equipment as you do. In all essence, you can even be more of the hardball in this situation and it would still be fine. Meaning if you really want that extra piece of equipment you can say “yeah I am using that one too but if you want you can work in with me.” It still makes you look like the little ass on the playground that took all the good toys but at least you are not inhibiting people from doing what they came to do at the gym. I am not saying that it is bad to do these workouts in the common gym or that you should not do them, but all I am saying is just be mindful on how you approach going about them. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase Seven of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”
Don’t: Leave a stack of weights on the machine, bench or bar

    If there is anything that I am truly guilty of on a regular basis, it is this. I have a hand full of excuses as to why I do not do this. One: I am super exhausted after finishing a set at 100%, and just don’t feel like lifting any more weights. Two: they were on there when I first got onto the machine or when I first started using the bench, so why should I have to do double duty and pick up after myself and the person before me? Three: I see the next machine that I want to use or the weights that I want to use next, open and available, and I want to grab them before someone else does- I don’t have time to re-rack my weights. I constantly cycle these thoughts through my head when at the gym, but are any of these excuses actually valid? The answer is simply NO. By not re-racking the weights I am essentially perpetuating this vicious cycle of taking accountability away from myself and placing it on others.

Just like you hate it in real life when people pawn their workloads off on you for the simple fact that they know you will do it, and they can get away with making their lives easier at the expense of others. This is may seem like a harsh example or personification of the matter at hand, but in reality it all boils down to the same issue – you not taking accountability for your own actions.

You put the weights on the machine, you used the machine and now you need to put the machine back to its original form. But what if I got to the machine and it had weights already on it? Well, who the hell cares! If you are constructing a building and someone forgets to fill a corner a concrete foundation, do you just build continue to build around it? And when the building later falls do you say it wasn’t your fault because the foundation was incomplete? Or if you walk your dog and you see that there is already dog crap on the ground so you just let your dog do its business and leave the mess? Is it ok to just leave it because someone else did? No, it is just as much your fault as it was their’s for not completing the job or them not picking up their dog’s crap, for not saying or doing anything about it. I will be the first to admit that I need to be way more mindful of this at the gym and that I need start practicing what I preach with this one. For one reason and one reason only – this week’s “gym redemption.”
Let me explain further, I was watching TOSH.O on comedy central and I saw a segment that was titled “This Week’s Web Redemption.” This segment was simply taking someone that has failed miserably in front of the entire nation on YouTube or some other video streaming site, and giving that person a chance to redeem themselves in front of the entire network audience. I thought to myself ‘I bet this could be applied to the gym segments I do’, and after a weeks worth of watching people at the gym I realized that it was the absolute truth. The cool thing about these types of redemption is that the people on them are not asked to redeem themselves; they simply just make the transition on their own accord – shocking, I know. So for this week’s DO section I will give you all the weeks “gym redemption.”

Do: Re-rack your weights

    Case and point: This week’s “Gym Redemption”
For two weeks in a row I have noticed that these two extremely loud, foul mouth and definitely out of place vacationers, down for the summer break (probably), have been an absolute spectacle at the gym. Dancing around, jumping in on people’s sets uninvited, being extremely loud and obnoxious, grunting, trying to lift way more weight than they can handle and in doing so completely misusing the machinery and of course they never re-racked their weights. When it comes to misusing the gym, you name it they did it.

Anyway, one night they had three plates on each side of the bench (although they really only should have had two). Of course when they were done, they left those three plates on each side. The next person to use the bench was an older tiny lady. She was struggling just to move one of the plates. Now only one of these two people gets to be redeemed in this section. They were both talking to another person on the other side of the gym. Both of them saw the lady, and they both looked over, but only one of them actually ran over and re-racked all of the weights and apologized for not doing so in the first place. The other one continued his loud god awful conversation that I could here clear across the gym. I applauded (in my head of course – otherwise it might be awkward). The lady looked extremely happy that this person showed such gentlemanly manners, and looked excited that she could actually now use the bench because before she could not, being that she could not lift all the plates off.

Mystery Vacationer number # 1 you rock and have completely redeemed yourself. Mystery Vacationer number #2 you suck and you are still part of that sect of society that just doesn’t care: stop ruining it for everyone else. So, it is in fact important to re-rack your weights because you never know who will need the machine or weights next. Even if you are using dumbbells, why do you leave on the ground or by the bench? If someone wants to use that bench but can’t move the weights because they are too heavy, why should that person have to wait or have to move those weights? Well they shouldn’t have to, period! I personally am going to really work on making sure that I am constantly re-racking my weights when I am done with them…you should do the same. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase six of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”

Don’t: Ask to work in, use the machine in a different way and then not put it back at the personal original weight or placement.

 Boy, do I absolutely hate when this happens to me. I view this as a real life scenario that seems to get played out time and time again with that friend you have that is always finding new ways to make you not want to invite him, or others in general for that matter, back to your house. You know that one friend or acquaintance that just comes over and treats your house like it is his own (well probably treats it way worse) – a Kramer pretty much. He or she says they are coming over to hang out and watch the game but when they come over, they come with a keg and five unruly individuals that leave your house in ruins. Or it’s the friend that eats half of that candy bar that you have been saving or drinks half of the last beer that you were looking forward to and then puts it back into the fridge. It may be an extreme example but it is coasting on the same tracks for sure. I am using the cable cross for tricep extensions and you ask me if you can work in with me. I of course say yes without any hesitation because that is just usually how it works at the gym. But then you move the cable cross from the top to the bottom and lessen the weight by 30 to 40 pounds. I come back from the drinking fountain a little irked to find that you didn’t put the cable cross back up where I had it and then nonchalantly go to use it after putting the cable back up. I then slam the weights of the machine when I go to use it because I am thinking that I will still need to exert the same force to lift that extra 30-40 pounds that is no longer there. Then I look like a jackass, run the risk of throwing out or pulling something and I have to stop what I am doing and readjust the weights. All because you are choosing to be rude and lazy on my good graces. I let you in so that you didn’t have to wait for me to finish and you totally throw it in my face. And I can say something to you but why would I? You have already spent the majority of your life not getting these social norms, so what is a random guy at the gym’s opinion going to do for you. You will probably blow me off like you did with your parents when they tried to teach you this stuff when you were five. Just not cool man.

 Do’s: Just make sure you are not being invasive

 I could personally care less if you come over and move my cable from the top position to bottom position or change the seat height and weight of my machine, as long as you put it back when it is my turn to jump back into the exercise. I will definitely show you the same courtesy by readjusting the seat and weight back to what you had it on, even if I don’t have to, because it is just common decency to do so. You are in essence asking someone if you can borrow something and then completely changing it and then returning it without changing it back. If you borrowed my laptop to do a Spanish project and converted the windows key strike functions to Spanish and then returned it with out changing it back, I would be pretty pissed off when I tried to type something and everything came out written like a teleprompter for Telemundo. The same logic applies here at the gym. If someone is going to show you a strong sense of civility and let you work in with them, make sure that you are just as respectful to them as they were to you. All it takes is just paying a little bit of attention. Take a look at where their weight was at or where their seat was placed or where their cable was located and just remember to put it back. More often than not if you do this, when it is your turn they will put the weight, seat, cable, etc back to where you had it. Bottom line is, be mindful of your actions and surroundings, not only in the gym but in life as well. Trust me it might just get you a little farther in life. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase Five of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”

 Don’t: Grunt or yell while lifting

    I know, I know, I don’t know what it is like to lift 350 pounds, so I should not be commenting on the subject of grunting. And you are absolutely right, but I certainly know what it is like to max out and in doing so I refrain from the huge grunt or the loud yell. Maxing at any level whether you are maxing out with light weights because that is your strength level or you are maxing out with ginormous weights, exerts the same amount of concentrated, maximized energy. Therefore there should really be no excuse for grunting or yelling out while working out. I have seen a dude three times my size max out with out making a peep and you want to know why, because he did not feel the need to initiate the inner barbarian at that moment. Now I am fully aware that when you lift you need to pump yourself up mentally and get into that savage mode of thought, but it doesn’t mean you need to act it out. Realize when you let this inner barbarian take control you are really only making a spectacle of yourself. You are drawing attention to yourself which in most cases is bad. I say this because most of the cases I have seen where people are grunting or yelling, have been because they were not properly executing the exercise they were attempting. I see guys doing curls with weights they have no business lifting – wobbling unevenly, rocking the weight instead of lifting it, using there back to lift in an improper way and all the while (yes you guessed it) they were grunting or yelling while everyone around them either shakes their head or chuckles to themselves. Not only are you a spectacle but now you are at risk of ruining your muscle tissue all together because you improperly lifting. According to personal trainer for a very popular gym (both of which need to remain nameless) “chances are if you let out that rebel yell or that exhausted grunt, you are most likely doing something wrong…and while you may see immediate results doing it the wrong way, in the long run your muscles will suffer. Not to mention that you sound funky man.” Even if you are lifting correctly, there is still no reason to yell or grunt: curb yourself, you are not in the wild you are at a communal gym where others don’t want to hear you.

 Do’s: lift properly and just breathe man

    Proper breathing is an essential part of working out correctly and it allows for you not to be the village idiot when you lift. But before the breathing even comes into play make sure you are lifting correctly…first and foremost every time. When you lift, literally just breathe. “While lifting, you are supposed to inhale the resistance and exhale the release. But when you hear someone grunting,” our personal trainer informs us “it is usually when they begin the resistance…when they are putting the weight up.” You hear that, breathe in when you put the weights up don’t let a yelp out. “When you come down with the weight, you normally just hear a sigh even if you are one who grunts or yells.” I have never seen anyone get dirty looks or attract attention for letting out a sigh. Breathing the proper way allows better air circulation within the blood stream, and there for helps to better circulate the blood flow while you are lifting. It seems silly but breathing correctly while lifting makes a world of difference and it elevates the need for barbaric noises escaping your vocal chords. While I may not be a grunter, I have been breathing incorrectly while lifting for sometime now. After I was shown how to properly breathe while lifting it took a long while to really get it down, because chances are if you were doing it wrong, you were doing it wrong for quite a while- which in most cases wears a condition in your body that knows no other way but the incorrect one. So although it might be tricky and seem tedious and mundane, focus on your breathing. If not for yourself, at least for everyone else around you, that has to endure your god awful noises. Once again this is just my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Don’t: not wipe the equipment when you are done using it.

     There is absolutely nothing more repulsive than going to use a bench after Boris the 3 ton muscle machine just used it, and laying down unknowingly in a puddle of pure sweat.  It is a well known fact, even if you grace the presence of a bottom feeder on the IQ food chain, that when you do something to put your body in a constant state of motion/action/resistance that after a while you will begin to perspire (or more simply put – if you are highly active for more than thirty seconds at a time you are bound to sweat). With this common human knowledge ingrained into about 98.5% of the human population from about the age of four, it bewilders me as to why people, knowing this fact, believe that they do not sweat when in the gym on the gym’s equipment.  I see people who step off the treadmill, wipe the sweat from their brow and 30 seconds later hop onto a bench or a machine with some type of seating. Which in and of itself is completely fine, but then when they are done they just get up and walk away as their sweat glistens in a large stain left on that particular piece of equipment. This is just not ok in any situation. You would not go running for 20 minutes and then sit on your friends couch drenched in sweat (unless you are trying to mess with them somehow). At the gym it is slightly different, because it is ok to sit on that bench or seat after running for thirty minutes, but it is not ok to walk away without wiping down the equipment after using it. Whether you do it with a personal towel that you bring from home or a wipe that the gym offers, just simply take the 20 extra seconds to somewhat sanitize the equipment after you use it. The last thing that anyone wants is to get SARS from trying to reach a new bench mark on the press.

Do: WIPE DOWN THE EQUIPMENT AFTER USING IT

    There are a plethora of options when trying to complete this task.  One, you can actually follow gym rules (4 out of the five different chains of gyms had this in the bi-laws) and bring a towel with you to work out. Two, you can grab the disinfectant spray and a paper towel from one of the many different stations around most gyms and spray down the equipment and then wipe. Three, if you don’t have access to the spray or a disinfectant wipe, just take a paper towel at least to equipment so that you are at least lowering the level of precipitating moisture droppings that have gathered congregated where you last laid or sat. Any one of these three options should take you no longer than a minute total. Look at it this way it is the perfect amount of time to segway from one exercise to another – by cleaning the machinery you are giving yourself ample rest time between exercises, which ultimately allows for a more productive workout. Time and time again the solution boils down to common decency and the age old saying “do one to thy neighbor as you would have them do to you.” There are no secrets, no magic tricks, just simplistic everyday character traits to follow – that we should all be doing normally in society in general. Even though you may wipe down your bench completely you are still going to get that person who comes along and wipes it down again. Don’t get upset at this, some people are hyper clean, which is their own prerogative. It is the same as if you made a perfectly good hamburger and you think it is best served with just mayo and someone loads it up with ketchup and relish. They still think it is delicious, they just know their taste. But the important thing to remember here is to at least provide the hamburger by giving at the bare minimum a quick machine wipe down.

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The Ultimate Protein Shake

   Ok if anyone does follow actually follow my blog on a weekly, my apologies for breaking up the gym etiquette segment, but I feel like I need to share a few new things that I have discovered coming from none other than our favorite protein company Designer Whey and a couple of creative minds. The gym etiquette segment is not finished, believe me there are plethora of things left to gawk about. But I figured I would throw a few positive things in the mix so that I don’t seem like such an elitist negative Nancy. I wanted to share with all of you this week, the ultimate health protein shake that will kill that hunger craving and will help build muscle through quicker recovery.

   To start you are going to need a blender – yes this is going to take a little more effort than just a spoon and a cup. Once you find the blender make sure you wash out all of the margarita residue from last weekend: the point of this shake is the amazing taste. Grab a cup of Ice to start and dump it in the blender. Then pour in about ¾ of a cup of water (you can use Milk but it just fills you up that much more) on to the ice. Now for the next part go out and get yourself Designer Whey’s chocolate and chocolate caramel protein powders . When adding the protein powder, add to your liking. Meaning, if you are using protein shakes as a form of dieting or to speed up your metabolism only use about 1 to 2 scoops but if you are trying to gain mass and build muscle use 3 to 5 scoops. What I do is I take two scoops of the chocolate powder and two scoops of the chocolate caramel powder (or if I feel like mixing it up two scoops of chocolate and two scoops of vanilla) and put it on top of the ice and water mixture. Then I take a scoop of cookies and cream light frozen yogurt and drop it in there with a spoon full of peanut butter.

   Now I am going to throw in a warning here about the peanut butter. I love crunchy chunky peanut butter way more than creamy but it does not work so well in this shake. I say this because even with a high grade blender you will still get those little chunks of peanuts floating around and although they are delicious they make you choke and who really wants that. So my suggestion is suck it up and get creamy peanut butter, it gives you the same great flavor. I also say spend the extra dollar and fifty cents and get the lower fat peanut butter.

   Once you have the ice cream and peanut butter in the mix with the protein and ice water, you add what I like to call the non-topping toppings in. The first of these two is the banana. Cut the banana in half, peel it and then cut one of the halves into sevenths and them drop into the blender. Next throw in a couple of squirts of Hershey’s light chocolate syrup. If I could guess right now you are probably thinking to yourself, how is this shake healthy and the answer is simple. Almost all of the caloric content of this drink (with the exception of the light chocolate syrup) are “good for you” calories, meaning that they are easily burnt off and highly utilized within the body. Not to mention that 95% of the ingredients in the shake help speed up the muscle recovery – which is why it is the perfect drink for after the gym. And on top of everything sprinkle in three to four dashes of cinnamon. Cinnamon has also been proven to help speed up and better glucose metabolism which gives it a lot of value in this shake and makes it a little healthier for you. The only two things missing from this shake to make it the ultimate protein fix is a spoon full of tuna and an egg. But we won’t put those in because the idea of this shake is to gain nutrients not to expel the nutrients that you have acquired during the day, with a horrifically induced vomiting session from the taste of this thing.

   Now that everything is in there go ahead and blend to your liking. I like to get it to the consistency of a restaurant style milkshake. This shake is ideal for taking within 30 minutes of any muscle workout longer than 30 minutes in length. If you are trying to build muscle or gain mass this shake has got everything that could want. Give it a try: it’s delicious.

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Phase three of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”
3. Don’t: Don’t talk loud enough to where half of the gym can hear you.

- Is there ever really plausibly sound scenario, not just in the gym but in society in general, of when it would be appropriate for me to here your conversation while I am more than 40 feet away from you? The answer of course being not really: pending some interesting circumstances, none of which, however, can be applied to the communal gym setting. Who in the world wants to hear about how many sets you have done so far or how many “Jager” shots you and your overly hair gelled buddy did last Saturday or about how you are having relationship problems? The answer is once a gain a simple one, NO ONE but the immediate person that your conversation is directed towards. If I am in normal earshot of your conversation, then it is my own prerogative to hear what you are saying: at any time I can move a little bit further away and choose to work on something else if your conversation is bothering me. But if I am already a good distance away from you how the hell is this supposed to work. Should I be forced to listen to head phones when I am at the gym because I don’t want to hear your conversation from three car lengths away? No, I most certainly should not. You are having a great time and joking with your buddy and that is just fine and dandy but not everyone around you wants to hear about it. This is one of the main things that I notice the most when I am at the gym. It’s always one or two people each gym shift. Meaning that if you try to work out at night you will have one or two of them or if you want to work out in the afternoon you will have one or two of them. These are the same people that do this crap in public. They subconsciously want those around them to be impressed by what they have to say or they want their so called “swagger” to be a little more apparent. If the goal is to draw attention to yourself, well it is working, but the attention you are getting is probably not the kind you want. Whatever the case may be, regardless of what you are trying to do and regardless if it is truly intentional or not, cut it out it is annoying to most of those around you.
3. Do: Strike up a normal volume conversation and keep it quick

- I actually encourage people to strike up conversations while at the gym, it can be a great way to kill time in between sets and make new friends in the process. But at the same time this can be a slippery slope into these obnoxiously loud conversations. For example most of the people that I see exhibiting this behavior are gym buddies so to speak. Meaning that their relationship exists only at the gym, and when they see each other every other day or week it ignites this loud “Yo “insert name” what the hell have you been up to…man how’d that party go,” that can be heard half way across the gym. Just like with most of these other Do’s all that is really needed is a self awareness of your surroundings. I mean personally loud conversations that people have don’t really bother me all that much, I just find them to be annoying and ridiculous. If anything when they happen, they simply make the people having them look stupid, because usually the content is not something that typically needs to be blasted across the universe like it is. But the low key conversation with the person that shares the same gym times as you or the person that you are working in with are great and almost no negative factors can stem out of these occurrences – unless you are working in with a serial stalker, in which case you might be screwed for life (but that is a whole different story). So the bottom line really lies on you being mindful of your vocal volume and the fact that nobody around you really cares how long Dave did that keg stand for. Once again this is just my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase two of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”

 
2. Don’t: Don’t just jump on a piece of equipment and think it is open
 -There are two scenarios where this applies: the first scenario is simply just not asking to work in on a set. I can’t tell you how many times I will be standing two feet away from the machine or bench that I am using and someone will just come up and start doing sets on it, like nobody’s business. And then to make matters worse they just sit there when they are done like you were never really there. Finally when you let them know that you were using it they respond, “oh…well you can work in if you want.” NO, NO, NO, that is not how it works. You can in fact work in with me and go at my pace. I know it may sound selfish but what it really boils down to is once again a lack of common respect and social understanding. Everyone uses the equipment at the gym that is why they are there. So given this blatantly obvious fact, it should naturally occur to people to maybe survey the situation just a little before they jump on a machine – ten extra seconds of their time is all that is really needed. It is not very hard to see that the person standing right by the machine that you are about to use, might in fact be using it at this current moment. It is like the guy at the club or bar that immediately approaches the girl at the table before realizing that she has a 250 pound line backer boyfriend named Lazer who was getting her a beer and who doesn’t like people rudely invading his space. This in turn brings me to scenario number two: not asking people if they are done with the machine.

 People do in fact go to the drinking fountain or walk around to circulate the blood in between sets. And if you are waiting for the machine and you see them leave it, why don’t you just ask if they are done using it before you hop on it? What’s the worst that could happen, they say no? People are not going to get frustrated or upset at you if you simply ask, but they are going to get annoyed and peeved when you just butt in on their sets without asking. You know why, because now you are putting them into a socially awkward situation, where they have to confront you to do something that they were already engaged in. Now there is a disclaimer on this one: if you leave your machine or equipment for a long period of time, you cannot be upset if someone does in fact jump on it. But that is a whole different topic. You have essentially at this point turned something very simple into an unnecessary, complex, psychological interaction which often times creates uneasiness and aggravated or agitated behavior. When you go to the gym you should feel at ease and comfortable in your surroundings, as should those around you and hopping on a machine when it is not yours to hop on and without asking first completely negates this level of ease.
 2. Do: Survey and ASK
 -The biggest “do” in this scenario is a truly obvious one: be observant. As a human being living in a world where technically, you are never completely 100% secure in anything you might do, you should be somewhat good at surveying your surroundings. Look around, do you see someone hovering close by the equipment you want to use; is there a towel or a set of keys or a water bottle right there as well? If there is simply just wait a second and see if anyone comes back in the next couple of minutes and if not, go ahead and start using the machine. If someone happens to come back it’s no big deal. Simply excuse yourself and let them know that you did not think anyone was on it because no-one was around. Then just see if they mind if you work in with them. It’s a very simple system of social exchange, yet it is amazing to me to see all of the different people that completely ignore it altogether. Don’t be afraid to ask someone if you can work in with them. In most situations they will need to take a break in between sets and that should be more than ample time for you to get a set in. This also revolves around simple patience. Wait a couple seconds before just jumping on that machine or grabbing those weights, if it looks like someone is using them. If you don’t have a second to waste or you absolutely don’t want to work in with someone, go use another machine and if that doesn’t work then simply chill out on the ephedrine because you are getting a little too crazy.

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 So here is Phase one of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”

1. Don’t: Don’t slam your weights down on the ground

 - We all know that you are a novice lifter and that you are putting up crazy weight “bro,” but just because the ground is made out of rubber doesn’t mean you have to be the beacon of attention by slamming down your weights with a grunt. I totally understand that you are trying to go bigger and bigger with the amount of weight that you are putting up, as well you should, but find a spotter or just simply learn how lift. If you can put the weight up five times, you better believe that you can keep it from slamming down. Now I’m not talking about the little drop of the weight from about five inches up that makes a tiny thud, that is perfectly ok and that is in fact what the rubber floors are for. What I am talking about is the “I am on a terror of lifting…I’m so exhausted and pumped at the same time that I can’t control how I put my weight down so I just let it fall or flail to the ground or in the heat of the moment I give it a little toss.” This causes a scene and according to the people at the gym that I spoke with makes you look like a complete idiot that doesn’t know what they are doing. And for the most part the people that are dropping these weights or slamming them on the ground are ruining their muscles by not properly finishing the exercise and instead just simply letting their limbs flop around – which in turn leads to pulled, shredded, strained or torn muscles and ligaments.

 1. Do: Grab a spotter, use appropriate weight or drop lightly

 - You don’t have to go to the gym with a work out buddy to find yourself a spotter. Just simply ask someone working out in your close vicinity – that is in between their sets resting – to see if they will spot you. That way you can go with heavier weights but in a controlled environment, that allows you to increase your strength in a healthy manner that is not destructive to the immediate world around you. And who knows you might even find yourself a new friend in passing.

 Use appropriate weights. If for some reason you can’t find a spotter then make sure the amount of weight that you are using is appropriate for you to use alone with out causing harm to or making a spectacle out of yourself. You can use those heavier weights but make sure that they aren’t heavy enough that when you are done with your set you cannot properly real them in and set them down. Be honest with yourself: you know what weight you can handle. Don’t try to push it to make yourself look like your putting up more weight in front of these people that you don’t really even know. You should be going to the gym to better yourself in some way and you need to remind yourself about that the next time you are feeling self conscious about yourself and try to take on more weight than you can handle.

 Like I said before, it is ok to drop your weights a tad little bit so that you do not strain your back or other muscles putting your weight down. But when you are doing a standing lift set and you drop them from slightly below waste level or when you are re-racking a weight on the bench and you just toss it or drop it instead of laying it down that is just ridiculous. This goes the same for people who are using machine assisted weights: don’t drop the weight so that it slams down on the other stack of weights. Once again not only are you making a scene but you are also not using the machine correctly in a controlled manner which can in fact result in serious or minor injury and who wants that.

 Disclaimer: Once again I am no expert on when it comes to the gym (I just go a lot) and I am certainly no saint. I am fully aware that I have once or twice been guilty of the old weight drop – almost everyone that lifts heavier weights has. But the difference is that I am immediately self aware and I make sure it doesn’t happen again in the near future. And as I mentioned before about 85% of the people that are their follow these practices because they are just common sense. These are only meant to be tips for you to think about the next time you are in the gym. And remember I am just a guy with an opinion, take it or leave it.

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