Phase Nineteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Piggy backing on the last entry I am going to write about one more personal inquiry that I felt needed to be thrown out there and established. Once again this isn’t a do or don’t and it does not really effect anyone else, for the most part. This week I am going to bring up the “the man in the mirror.”

There is a very fine line when discussing “the man/woman in the mirror” when talking about the subject in conjunction with the gym. The “man in the mirror” refers to someone who is stuck in a constant state of checking themselves out in the mirror. The gym itself is a fortress of reflective obsession in that everywhere you look there are mirrors. But the mirrors in the gym most definitely serve their purpose. They are put in place to allow you to watch yourself workout so that you can make sure your form is correct, and they are also there for a little vanity from time to time (who doesn’t want to see the way their body is progressing). But my issue doesn’t lie with looking into the mirror to check your form or catching that occasional glance at yourself every now and then. No, instead, my issue circles around the people that spend more time looking into the mirror than actually working out at the gym. At first I noticed a couple of people checking themselves out a little to intensely (I’m talking like 3 inches away from the mirror and doing little turns and moving limbs and flexing), and I thought to myself, “that is a little bit too much” but whatever. Then I noticed that these same people were habitually doing this – about once after every other set. On top of that, I began to notice that it wasn’t just a couple of people; it was a whole group of them! At any given time in the gym I came across about 5-8 people who completed this act on the reg. Which in reality accounts for about 8-15% per gym area.

Check ME out!

Now, I am not knocking them for being a little vein and trying to check out what their bodies are becoming. I am knocking them because of their compulsion and flagrant demeanor in a public setting. I will be the first to admit that after a good work out I go right to the mirror in the bathroom (but that mirror is in my home not in the middle of a public watering hole), it only occurs once and it only lasts for a couple of seconds. I just think it is funny that people so blatantly gawk and ogle at themselves in front of complete strangers for elongated and continuous time frames. This occurrence at the gym really doesn’t bother me at all but it makes me kind of laugh because it is something that I just wouldn’t do. Your muscle mass isn’t going to drastically change from one set to another in its appearance, so what is the point in checking and looking every 5 min? It is one thing to look at yourself for a few seconds before you start your workout and then maybe once in the middle and then at the end. But doing this as frequent as I see some people doing it, seems a little bit on the ridiculous side. Then again, maybe it’s just me. Maybe I don’t quite fully understand the complete spectrum of the gym culture. I know that in many ways the gym culture stems from a level of vanity in the sense that many people go to the gym to keep up appearances or change them for the better, but this seems like it is taking that concept to a whole new level. I tend to think that most people might agree with this because like I said I only see about 8-15% doing this in any one given area at the gym. But as always I am really curious to see what everyone else thinks about this. Is it ok to do this at an irregularly increased volume because the setting is the gym or is it just common social knowledge to not be this obsessive about your looks in public? What do you think? Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase Seventeen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Piggy backing on the last entry I am going to write about one more personal inquiry that I felt needed to be thrown out there and established. Once again, this isn’t a do or don’t and it does not really effect anyone else, for the most part. This week I am going to bring up the “dudes with the short shorts.”

Who Wears Short Shorts

I don’t think I will ever quite understand why men feel the need to where these things to the gym. It is one thing (and this is a stretch), if you are older and you wear some questionably small running shorts. I have no beef with that and you are not who I am talking about. I am talking about dudes in their 20-somethings wearing specialized bun huggers, as what appears to be some sort of personal statement. What is the purpose of this? How does having your shorts end at the start of your thighs or having them exuberantly skin tight benefit you in any way as a male lifting at the gym (unless of course you are recovering from a hernia)? To me, you are definitely the dude at the beach rocking the leopard Speedo – WHY?!? And when I say why I am really looking for an answer here. I want to be able to understand what would possess someone to wear these things.
When I first noticed this I thought to myself “Ok this guy is a little out of place”, “That is odd”, and of course “Who does this guy think he is?” But then I noticed that he was definitely not some outlier on this skewed chart. An outlier tops becoming an outlier and joins into the category of a trend when it is no longer alone. I see a good handful of men wearing these things when I am at the gym – mainly at mainstream popularized gyms. Man, if that is your style than far be it from me to say anything about it, but please don’t ask me to try and understand its functionality if you cannot give me a completely logical explanation as to why you need them. Even at that I am still not going to agree with you, but at least I will be a lot more understanding. If you are a super gym enthusiast who treats lifting as a sport, then by all means, if you get some type of benefit by wearing these things go for it. But if you are the typical “hipster/mid-level frat boy (the two seem to be fusing these days) with the perfectly quaffed hair” that I always see rocking these things as some kind of fashionably sound joke, please refrain from doing so.

What happened to the good old gym/soccer/basketball shorts that we have grown to socially love and accept? When did guys stop going to “big five” to get things and start going to “American Apparel” for gym shorts? I am by no means an uberly manly man or some type of fashion guru but I still feel that when you go to the gym you should just be putting on some old crap that won’t upset you if you get it soaked in sweat. Maybe I am old fashioned (at 24)? I thought it would be worth while to throw out there because after having several conversations with both women and men alike at the gym about this particular subject I have come to learn that it teeters on between weird and unnecessary. What do you think? Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it

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Phase Sixteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Piggy backing on the last entry I am going to write about two more personal inquiries that I felt needed to be thrown out there and established. Neither one of these is a do or don’t and neither of these really effect anyone else. This week I am going to bring up the specialized “wife beater” or “workout shirt.”

The one that gets me the most is the one that I see the least of and that is the netted tank top. I only see about two regulars wearing this at any given time and maybe a passerby from time to time in the gym, rock this “get up” of hilarity. What is funny about is the correlation that I have found that flows almost a hundred percent concurrently with the netted tank top. Out of all the people I see at the gym and out of all the behaviors I constantly notice, the only two people I have ever seen asked to put their shirts back on while at the gym (more than once might I add) are the same two regulars who constantly wear these tank tops. Consequently, every time I have seen them without any type of shirt on they had been wearing a regular shirt and not a one of these specialized tank tops. Who knows, maybe they over heat so badly that they either have to wear XXX looking mesh or they need to just go prison yard all over everyone and skin it out. I can’t imagine that being the case but I have to give them the benefit of the doubt. No harm is done here, its just kind of funny that  I will go into the gym in San Diego and immediately be transported to a 1983 Miami boardwalk. The other one that I constantly see is latex inspired, prefabricated sleeveless shirt that no matter what your body type makes you looks like you came to the gym with a shirt painted on your torso. Not only do these things cost anywhere from $50-$75 dollars, they make you look like a character out of X-Men (maybe that is what they are going for).

With both of these two clothing prototypes, we will call the first one the AC Slater and the second the 50 Cent, I find it hard to find the purpose behind them. A regular tank top or wife beater or an old tee with the sleeves cut off, are all perfectly acceptable at the gym. For the AC Slater I can see that a wife beater or a regular tee might be too tight on the body not allowing it to fully breathe, but a tank top or an old tee with the sleeves cut off allows for optimum air flow throughout the body, much like the Portuguese fishing net parka that you prefer to wear. As for the 50 cent look, the whole point of the sleeveless shirt (other than its vanity roots) is to curb overheating while in the midst of exercise. Something that is pretty much tattooed to your body is not going to do that instead it is going to further perpetuate overheating, so really there is no point to it. Both of these prototypes, to me, seem to exist purely out of a branching form of narcissism – but that is just my opinion. There are plenty of other options that make more sense, a regular tee shirt being at the top of that list.

I can really care less about either and like I said before, these are bringing no harm to anyone at the gym. I just thought I would throw it up there like a Hail Mary and see what others think about it. What do you think about it? Do you think I should just mind my own business? Do you think these things are just as ridiculous as I think they are? Are you someone who wears this gear (yikes)? Wear on, those of you who wear either of these, it is your personal choice and who the hell am I to tell you otherwise. I just personally think it is hilarious, ridiculous and definitely not needed – but at the same time you might think the same about me and these blogs. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it

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Phase Fifteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

There is no real do or don’t on this one, it more of a personal inquiry that I felt needed to be thrown out there and established. No matter how I say this it is going to come out wrong so please bear with me. I am having a hard time understanding why personal trainers at various gyms (and even in personal resident gyms) are not in shape themselves. I am by no means talking down to people that are not in shape, unless you are out of shape and are a personal trainer at the gym. This is an anomaly to me. When you are supposed to be teaching others how to become fit and practice a healthy lifestyle, you yourself should be an exemplary model for your pupil to follow suite.

Now, I understand that this trainer might have a degree in physiology, kinesiology, have been through several trainings and/or courses to qulify them as a trainer (or maybe none of the above) and they do in fact know what you are talking about, so their expertise can theoretically be trusted. But things that are theoretically sound do not always apply to real life practice and pursuit. We can lay out an efficiently sound plan to re-build our economy that looks great on the bill but it doesn’t mean that it is necessarily going to work when applied to the economy and its fiscal droughts. It is hard to get motivated by someone and trust them with your personal conditioning and well being when they themselves are not physically fit.

I guess the thing that makes me the most frustrated is that if I am going to choose a profession, I would want to be the best at it or at least at the top of my game. And with a job like personal trainer, where your physical appearance does have quite an impact, I would think that it would be a motivator for you yourself, as a trainer, to get into shape. You are actively trying to change some.

Like I said before I may be completely off basis with this one. I guess I can see two main counter arguments to this. One being: it doesn’t really matter what the person looks like as long as they know what they are talking about and I can trust them with my body’s well being. And I do pretty much agree with that in a logical sense, just not in a practical one – but once again that is just personal preference. The other counter to my argument that I could see as being somewhat relevant is that it might be beneficial to have an out of shape trainer in the sense that it boosts your morale. For example if I am out of shape and so is my trainer, it is going to boost my moral if on a daily, weekly and monthly basis I can see that my overall physical fitness level is exceeding that of my trainer’s. This would boost confidence levels and might increases personal drives and performances.

Both of these counter examples are purely based out of speculation. I have no idea as to what people think on this subject. And seeing how I am noticing this more and more these days I wanted some outside perspective on it. That is why I wrote this specific entry. I want to hear what you all have to say about this. What do you think about personal trainers who are out of shape? You all know my opinion on the matter, do you agree, disagree or put simply you could care less? Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: this is phase three of the mini series “Three Amigos of Cell abuse.”

Phase Fourteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Don’t: talk so loud on the phone that everyone knows your business

This is a no brainer that goes along with so many things that I have mentioned in the blogs before this one. Nobody needs to know your business, especially while at the gym. This is in that same category as the guys who just in general talk way too loud at the gym, so that people know what they did last night and with whom. But this time it is even worse because you are on the phone at a gym. There is no need for me to hear about how your night went or for me to hear about why Rachel didn’t think that guy was cute. Like I said, it is bad enough when this goes on at the gym in the first place. But the situation is compounded 10 fold when it happens when someone is pacing around throughout the gym on their phone. At least when people are overly loud about their conversations for the most part in the gym, they are usually stationary. But people who talk on their phone at unnecessary decibels so that others are able to peer into their lives, tend to –from 99% of the examples I have encountered, seem to want to pace around while they have these conversation, spreading around their verbal garbage like an out of control crop duster. Why is this necessary?

Do’s for the last three phases:

I’m just going to dive right into this one: don’t abuse your phone at the gym. People, it can wait for the most part. Brad and then gang are still going to be available to tell you that they are going out four hours from now, in another thirty minutes. The chances of you missing out on a once in a lifetime phone call of your buddies inviting you to go on helicopter ride with Jay Z, David Beckham and two super models, that warrants immediate response, is about one and two billion – unless P. Diddy is reading this. It’s OK to clear the call and save it for a little bit later. But regardless, even if you do answer your phone which is still ok, there are some norms you should follow. If it is a call that really can wait, why don’t you just tell the person that you are at the gym and will call them back in like 45 minutes to an hour. If the call is super urgent step outside of the gym and take it. If the call is urgent WHY wouldn’t you step outside is the bigger question? I don’t know about you but if I get an important call I don’t want to try and battle the background noise of grunting, machine clacking, poppy songs, and random conversations. Ok, onto another plane: if you do feel like having a conversation in the gym, why can’t you step aside where no one else is occupying space and simply take the call like you normally would. Now if you always take calls at a loud volume so that we can all enjoy your conversation, well there is simply no hope for you because your narcissistic ways have crippled your ability to function like a normal person in society. Like the rest of these rants and topics all that is really needed to correct this malfunctioning beast is common sense, decency, public awareness and a sense of communal courtesy. I am not saying you shouldn’t ever use your phone at the gym by any means, I am saying that you should be mindful about how you go about using your phone in the gym or in public in general for that matter, that’s all. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: this is phase two of the mini series “Three Amigos of Cell abuse.”

Phase Thirteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

   Don’t: attempt to complete a life altering business merger or try to get your life together over the phone at the gym.

   All three of the aforementioned phone conversations seem a little extreme and maybe even far fetched for an everyday workout at the gym, but at least once a week while I’ m working out I notice one of these three occurring. Now, I work out at three different gyms in three different areas every week and I have seen this at least once a week since I started noticing these “do’s and don’ts of the gym world.” Even more disturbing is the fact that I go at sporadic times and I am only at the gym usually for an hour to an hour and a half. That in itself isn’t the disturbing part, the disturbing aspect of all of these statistics is that if I am catching this at least once a week, at any of the three given gyms that I go to at an of the given times that I am at them, then holy hell this must be happening a lot.
And with this one it’s not just mainly a male phenomenon. Ladies, you in no way are exempt. I have seen women trying to setting up high powered business appointments, trying to change cable accounts and of all things attempting to organize their finances all while mid workout in the middle of the gym floor – guys I see the same things go on with you as well. I say of all things, because isn’t the gym a place you can go to leave all of that other crap behind for a hot minute. You go to the gym to get the day started on a good foot or to break the day up or to work the day out of you. These financial, business and personal conundrums are all very important and are all matters that should be high on your priority list but you need to make them their own priority. Just like people make going to the gym a priority. They do so because it is its own entity and as such it should not engulf or encompass any of these other entities or priorities. In simple terms make the business mergers at the office or step outside of the gym if it is absolutely that important. Change your cable plan when you want a break from the everyday or when you want to step away from your desk. And above all things don’t try and maintain your financial stability at the gym. Do you really think it is a good time and place to talk Wells Fargo while Bruno does squat thrusts next to you? This one is just plain annoying, not disturbing. This is more of a heads up for your own well being. Leave that crap for some other time and leave it outside of the gym. If you want to work out at your own home gym with a Bluetooth in your ear in front of your own T.V. be my guest – that is a power play in a half. But most of us cannot afford that and that is why we go to our gym, where we pay fee’s to work out, to shape our selves into someone else for a brief period of the day. Enjoy the workout that you went to the gym for and leave life’s stresses at the office when you leave or at home, don’t bring it into a place that is supposed to relieve stress.

   I am holding all of the do’s for the last phase of this second mini series because they will apply to all three of these. And like so many of these offences do… I don’t want to waste your time. Although, I probably already do by posting this mess. Just kidding…but seriously. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: for the next three phases of this ongoing mild rant I want to bring up are similar to the IPod trio, but unlike the IPod trio they are much more annoying and bothersome to me and others around. These next three phases I will refer to as Three Amigos of Cell abuse. All three of these things bug me to no avail, almost a little more than any of the other “self proclaimed” offenses that I have mentioned in the past.

Phase Twelve of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Don’t: talk on the phone and try to work out for extended periods of time

I see this one happen on a regular basis on so many different fronts with so many different levels.

Level one: the “What is happening tonight call.” This call at the gym always seems to come when others are waiting for your equipment. Rightfully so, you yourself might have waited for the equipment and that with that being said are in fact initialed to use it how you see fit. But that does not include making people wait an extra five to ten minutes because you want to find out what club your bro Chad is going to be at tonight. A lot of people are pressed for time at the gym, and while I know that is a personal issue there should be a medium. Now if I am in a hurry and I go to the gym and equipment is simply not readily available because others are diligently using it and I am not able to get a full work out in, then it is my own fault for trying to squeeze in a work out when I didn’t really have enough time to begin with. But if I am in a hurry and want to use a machine but the person on the machine tells me to hold off because they just have a few more sets, and then they answer there phone to talk for another 5 min and then do their sets then I am entitled to be a little pissed off. Why do I have to wait for you to wrap up your phone conversation so that I can use the equipment? Most people who answer the phone at the gym realize this and are at least decent enough to let you work in or move away form the equipment and let you use it. But there is that 25% in this category that instantly transform themselves into the power tool isle at Home Depot. And yes, I do mean the whole isle. By doing this you are going past being a singular tool, you are stepping into a whole new realm where your tool-ness is pissing others off and is no longer just something that other people laugh at your expense. I feel so bad for people that are actually nice and wait for these H.D.’s to not only finish up their sets but also their telephone conversations. I have no patience when it comes to crap like this, which probably makes me an ass and which probably puts me on someone else’s “gym offender’s type cast list.” But on this one I don’t care because I am not budging on my stance regarding this issue. I have only had this happen to me personally once and at first I was cool about it. I said to myself “ok this guy told me to wait because he is almost done… for sure I will just wait for him to finish up.” But then I see him answer his cell, and again I think to myself “I will just wait for him to wrap up this call. He will probably tell whoever is on the other line that he is in the middle of working out and that he will call right back.” Wrong. I waited for about a minute until I realized that he was not about to end the conversation, and then I signaled the old “can work in with you.” And he so toolishly gave me the wait one sec gesture. At this point I was still patient, but yet another minute went by and he had yet to commence in doing a set or getting off of his phone. So I literally hopped on the machine and started doing my own sets. He looked at me like I wasn’t wearing pants, like he could not believe what he was seeing. He was like I am still on that…so I did what any normal person pushed to the brink of being an a-hole by someone else would do…I gave him a taste of his own medicine. I told him “hey man that’s cool you can work in if you want.” That irked him to no avail, but who the hell cares…I certainly don’t. And like I said, in some regards that makes me a hypocrite. But what is he going to do. Is he going to pick a fight with me? Is he going to just walk away still talking on his cell? Or is he going to hang up and finish his sets in between mine? And for that matter what m I supposed to do. Go tell on you like a little child? Sit their and wait another ten minutes? End my work out short? Or do what I did and then bitch about it three weeks later in some off the top blog? I am going with the last option on this one.

I am holding all of the does for the last phase of this second mini series because they will apply to all three of these. And like so many of these offences do… I don’t want to waste your time. Although I probably already do by posting this mess. Just kidding…but seriously. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: this is phase three of the mini series – the IPod trio

Phase Ten of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

 Don’t: listen to your IPod or music device at ungodly levels

First and foremost, by listening to your IPod way louder than you should be you are destroying your inner ear (75% of the parts included). The thumping kicks of drum beats, the “audiotisticle” rampage of harrowing guitars, the high thumping bass of digital audio and even the bongo drum in a acoustic college radio song all severely damage the ear and effect the proficiency of one’s personal hearing abilities, if amplified at loud volumes.  This is especially prevalent and in many cases much worse when it happens with head phones, magnifying sound with a greater immediacy to the inner ear – according to several studies done by the Swedish. Ok, now that my attempt to make myself sound more academically profound has concluded – it’s bad for your hearing to listen to loud crap. But where this comes into play in our little realm of fitness is its invasive nature on the hearing of others around the “soon to be hearing-impaired” gym goer with his or her head phones turned up full blast. I don’t mean to sound crude (ok who am I kidding, that is why I write these rants) but me being able to hear your Tom Jones – over not only the music already playing at the gym, but the clinking sounds of the equipments, the ongoing conversations, and the loud grunts of our other offenders – is kind of ridiculous in it’s own right. I’m half and half on this situation. In some regards the invasive nature of me that sometimes likes to rear its head about from time to time, likes to be able to match a song to a face. Meaning that I find it interesting in some regards to see if the behemoth with the tattoo’s on his face is listening to an old slayer album or is in fact getting his Britney on or if the tiny little girl doing leg extensions is listening to an indie Conor Oberst track or in fact kicking it old school with Andre and Big Boi with an “Atliens” track. But the other half of me is like, what if it is “afternoon delight” set to repeat? Should I have to hear that all work out long because I forgot my IPod and I can’t focus on the gym’s music or my workout because I keep thinking of Ron Burgundy or the actual nature of the song itself? Of course I don’t typically run into people at the gym who bump afternoon delight, but I do run into people at the gym all of the time who have music that I hate blaring out of their head phones to a point that I am forced to listen if I want to use a machine. And then there is also the guy, who I see from time to time at the gym who forgot to bring his IPhone head phones and is just listening to his music from the speakers – wow that is annoying. I have only seen this happen four times but it has definitely happened four times too many.

 Do:  Listen to your IPod at a reasonable level and make sure that you do in fact have head phones in, in the first place.

The same mentality as the person in the movie who knowingly doesn’t put their phone on silent, or the person that lets their cell phone ring so they can get to the good part of the their ringtone, or the person that bumps Tupac while stuck at red light in front of a kindergarten cross walk, applies here. What you listen too or what you like applies to you and should only apply to you and not to others around you – unless of course you are prompted and invited to share. Why should I be subject to your personal tastes unless I want to be. In general when out in public, in a shared communal setting, people in this shared space should not be able to hear what you are playing on your IPod because it is too loud or because you are using your speakers and just can’t go with out “PYT” for that hour that you are in the gym. I find also that this seems to be the culprit of the trio. Having your IPod too loud leads to you singing loudly and also leads to you dancing around. In fact of these three IPod trio occurrences this one is the least harmless, the most offensive to the general public surrounding it, and it leads to other occurrences that disturb one self as well as others around them. With this definition I would say it is like marijuana in the “Nixon/refer madness era,” it is the gateway drug that is difficult to lead to anything good. Ok I’m just kidding about that one, but just do us all a favor and be mindful of the volume of your personal music device. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: this is phase two of the mini series – the Ipod trio

Phase Ten of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

 Don’t: Play the drums or rock out profusely at the gym (with or with out an iPod)

    Now I thought that this was completely harmless (and damn it if I don’t catch myself doing it once in a blue moon) but I saw first hand what can happen when this gets out of control. Drumming and head banging ravenously or jumping around and flailing your arms about is just not meant for the gym – or for the public eye in general (but sometimes it’s hard to help). I personally think it makes you look like an idiot, but that alone should not matter to anyone – who cares if you look like an idiot, right? But it isn’t looking like an idiot that puts people out with this distraction; it is the actual physical disturbance that can derive from the air band performance itself. This one is actually funny because it happened to me for once, as opposed from me always seeing it occur to others – I got to experience first hands the ill effects of this lord of the dance “C. Diddy” air guitar uproar. I was in mid set of doing military pull-ups on the bar between the cable-cross over machine, when I felt someone strike me in the right leg, rather close to my groin. It immediately made me stop my set, let go of the bar and hit the ground with a rather pissed off look on my face. The guy to my right had this look on his face like when Smalls (from The Sandlot) realized that he hit his step dad’s “Sultan of Swat” autographed ball into The Beast’s lair. He instantly became apologetic, and exclaimed, “holy shift I am so sorry.” He then took the two little white head phones out of his ears and told me “dude I lost my balance…this song is incredible.” I was of course like, “no problem man” but I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. Then I saw him walk to the drinking fountain like two minutes later with his head phones back in, swinging those invisible drum sticks like he was Travis freakin’ Barker. I then realized that he had hit me in the midst of a, unaware of his proximity to me, rock out session. I wasn’t pissed off or hurt from this encounter, in fact I got a chuckle out of it, but I can’t say that it is not annoying to be sporadically perturbed mid set.  I then saw the same thing happen the very next day to a guy doing some shadow boxing dance moves and definitely getting seven shades of hyphy to whatever song he was listening to. He was not aware of how close he was to a guy doing hammer curls and bumped into the back of him. The guy looked a little more pissed off than I did about having to interrupt his set. Meaning things: one that this can be hazardous to people around you if you are doing this, because in some rare occasion you can loose your balance from doing something moronic in a place you shouldn’t be doing it in, and bump into someone doing some strenuous activity and end up causing them extreme frustration or in some cases injury. And two that this can be hazardous to you if you continue to do it, because judging by the look on the dumbbell man’s face, he was about two seconds away from doing his own shadow box dance on that guy’s face.
 Do’s: Just work out without dancing around, rocking out or shadow boxing or take a pilates, dance, or personal workout class where you can dance about

    This stuff proves its hilarity to me on a regular basis but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t frustrate the likely hood’s of others to no avail. Just remember this the next time you feel compelled to strum an air chord to ‘Master of Puppets’  or jump around to an old school “Red and Meth ” joint or scratch the wind turntables. I still have not had a chance to talk to people that actually commit these so called offences at the gym only the phones who look peeved that these offences occur in their presence. So with that being said I don’t truly know the psyche of our air band heroes at the gym who feel it is still appropriate to continue on with these prancing antics even after they have knowingly disrupted other’s around them. Maybe they just listen to music that they can absolutely not resist the urge to get down and boogie to, I don’t know. What ever the reason though, they or you or me – whoever finds themselves dancing around, drumming along, or boxing forward at the gym – should be mindful that it can lead to negative effects upon others.  Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: for the next three phases of this ongoing mild rant I want to bring up what I like to call the IPod trio. These next three phases are more comical to me than annoying. I don’t get as mad at these three as I do all of the others, but none the less, these three are still bothersome to many people sharing the communal gym.

Phase Nine of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Don’t: sing at the top of your lung while you listen to your IPod
It does not take a genius to realize that when you have your IPod volume cranked past “turn it the f’ down already,” your voice seems to project itself at higher decibels than usual. Why is this you ask, well it’s a matter of simple physicality’s really. You see the Lady Gaga Technocratic remix ft. Soulja Boy or whatever other god awful song you are blaring, is playing directly in your ear drum at a high level of capacity sound waves. This in turn blocks out external as well as internal interior sounds, like your own William Hung-like voice that makes you yourself want to cry whenever your head phones aren’t embedded in those tiny little ear drums of yours. And it’s perfectly ok that you have a dreadful singing voice, hell my own car radio tells me to shut up when I’m alone with it, that’s how bad my singing pipes are. Its not the signing itself that irritates others or makes me laugh, it’s the fact that everyone can hear you singing and on top of that everyone has to hear you at very high and extremely putrid levels. I do not want to be mid bench and have to hear your tone deaf acapella version of “loving you.” Last week I will have to say that I got a huge kick out of this exact scenario. I am in between a set of bicep curls just relaxing when out of no where this dude, this gargantuan of a human being actually, just bursts out into song (but of course only for a couple lines at a time). The dude next to me on the cable cross over machine  is in mid motion and completely falters and gets thrown off balance by this man’s startling yelp. It actually isn’t all that funny because the guy on the cable cross over machine totally almost rips his shoulder out of the socket when he was thrown off balance because of the tremendous singing talents of Baby Huey on the lat pull downs (waiting to start a new rep).

Do: keep it to yourself and sing in your head or under you breathe like the rest of us
Personally I could care less, I think it is hilarious. But after speaking with a couple of people at the gym and seeing its destructive effects on cross cable man, I realize that it is certainly a nuisance when people sing at the top of their lungs when they are listening to their IPods loudly at the gym. Listen – if you can hear me over your obnoxious singing voice – please just keep it in the voice box. There’s really not much else to say other than it is a spectacle or a distraction or in some cases a health hazard. So for the well being of others ear drums and limbs, try your best to not to let your inner Pavarotti out while in the gym. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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