Phase Twenty two of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

This my friends is the final chapter of this ongoing marathon of weekly do’s and don’ts at the local or personal gym. I wanted to just to wrap things up with one last concluding strand of thoughts.

There are many things that I brought up throughout this lengthy survey/rant that I must confess that I am guilty of from time to time. Half the reason I started writing this ongoing gym critique is because I wanted to try and catch myself on some of these things and try and curtail my own bad habits and let me tell you, it has really helped. Especially in those situations where I am super tired and might not wipe down that last piece of equipment or might find myself dancing around or breathing way too hard, well not anymore. Now, this blog sits over my head and makes me think to myself “what a hypocritical sasquatch,” I would be if I didn’t practice what I preached and it makes me follow the words that I spill on these pages (or in this case electronically transfer).

In the process of doing this I have also learned that I am by no means alone in the category of some of the things that constantly irk me. I have also learned from speaking with, interviewing and surveying people at the gym that my own selfish actions (not following what I write about) at the gym truly do affect others’ work outs.  The funny thing is that before this blog I simply just saw the gym as a personal space that I owned because I paid for it. And when someone would commit one of these so called faux pas or infractions that I was so diligent to point out I would simply take upon the attitude of well obviously they don’t care so I shouldn’t care.  But I quickly found out that these people that have this ‘I don’t care attitude’ about how they treat the gym, are in fact the minority, so to speak. The majority of the people that go to any gym are 90-100% aware that the gym is a shared space and that everyone is there because in one way or another they too pay for this shared time in this communal space. This really came to fruition within me about three weeks ago when I asked to work in with group of people at the gym and they made a comment to me. He said “of course man. Hey, my name is Manny… hey man you can use any of these. I don’t own ‘em, you don’t own ‘em and technically, the gym doesn’t own them either because we pay for them.” For people like this coming to the gym is truly an experience. They go to the gym because they truly get something out of it every time they go. They make new friends, find new ways to work out, find new ways to make the gym a better place for everyone else and above all they are beyond happy. I know that making friends and socially interacting with people when they go to the gym isn’t for everybody – hey, its not really for me if you want to know the god honest truth – but it was the attitude that came with this that captured me. I realized that I have been infinitely happier when I go to the gym now that I make sure that I am more aware of everyone else around me. Maybe it stems from me laughing at people on the inside that make these faux pas (now that I am not making them myself) or maybe it really does come from the collective interface that I have received so much of when I survey people at the gym. But whatever the case may be I have been happier when I have gone to the gym and I have to ultimately chalk that up to my new found consciousness and reverence for the local gym setting. Being happy has, in turn, made me look at working out, not so much as a personal choir but as an all around micro adventure that I get to experience five to six times a week. Because it truly does become an adventure when you develop a full awareness of your surroundings and open up to the collective nature of the gym. Things tend to just pop out to you that normally wouldn’t and you then begin to take a real interest in the culture that surrounds you at the gym.

I hope that you all enjoyed this little series and I will be back with a new set of blogs in no time. As always, this series has simply been based my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase Fifteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

There is no real do or don’t on this one, it more of a personal inquiry that I felt needed to be thrown out there and established. No matter how I say this it is going to come out wrong so please bear with me. I am having a hard time understanding why personal trainers at various gyms (and even in personal resident gyms) are not in shape themselves. I am by no means talking down to people that are not in shape, unless you are out of shape and are a personal trainer at the gym. This is an anomaly to me. When you are supposed to be teaching others how to become fit and practice a healthy lifestyle, you yourself should be an exemplary model for your pupil to follow suite.

Now, I understand that this trainer might have a degree in physiology, kinesiology, have been through several trainings and/or courses to qulify them as a trainer (or maybe none of the above) and they do in fact know what you are talking about, so their expertise can theoretically be trusted. But things that are theoretically sound do not always apply to real life practice and pursuit. We can lay out an efficiently sound plan to re-build our economy that looks great on the bill but it doesn’t mean that it is necessarily going to work when applied to the economy and its fiscal droughts. It is hard to get motivated by someone and trust them with your personal conditioning and well being when they themselves are not physically fit.

I guess the thing that makes me the most frustrated is that if I am going to choose a profession, I would want to be the best at it or at least at the top of my game. And with a job like personal trainer, where your physical appearance does have quite an impact, I would think that it would be a motivator for you yourself, as a trainer, to get into shape. You are actively trying to change some.

Like I said before I may be completely off basis with this one. I guess I can see two main counter arguments to this. One being: it doesn’t really matter what the person looks like as long as they know what they are talking about and I can trust them with my body’s well being. And I do pretty much agree with that in a logical sense, just not in a practical one – but once again that is just personal preference. The other counter to my argument that I could see as being somewhat relevant is that it might be beneficial to have an out of shape trainer in the sense that it boosts your morale. For example if I am out of shape and so is my trainer, it is going to boost my moral if on a daily, weekly and monthly basis I can see that my overall physical fitness level is exceeding that of my trainer’s. This would boost confidence levels and might increases personal drives and performances.

Both of these counter examples are purely based out of speculation. I have no idea as to what people think on this subject. And seeing how I am noticing this more and more these days I wanted some outside perspective on it. That is why I wrote this specific entry. I want to hear what you all have to say about this. What do you think about personal trainers who are out of shape? You all know my opinion on the matter, do you agree, disagree or put simply you could care less? Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: this is phase two of the mini series “Three Amigos of Cell abuse.”

Phase Thirteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

   Don’t: attempt to complete a life altering business merger or try to get your life together over the phone at the gym.

   All three of the aforementioned phone conversations seem a little extreme and maybe even far fetched for an everyday workout at the gym, but at least once a week while I’ m working out I notice one of these three occurring. Now, I work out at three different gyms in three different areas every week and I have seen this at least once a week since I started noticing these “do’s and don’ts of the gym world.” Even more disturbing is the fact that I go at sporadic times and I am only at the gym usually for an hour to an hour and a half. That in itself isn’t the disturbing part, the disturbing aspect of all of these statistics is that if I am catching this at least once a week, at any of the three given gyms that I go to at an of the given times that I am at them, then holy hell this must be happening a lot.
And with this one it’s not just mainly a male phenomenon. Ladies, you in no way are exempt. I have seen women trying to setting up high powered business appointments, trying to change cable accounts and of all things attempting to organize their finances all while mid workout in the middle of the gym floor – guys I see the same things go on with you as well. I say of all things, because isn’t the gym a place you can go to leave all of that other crap behind for a hot minute. You go to the gym to get the day started on a good foot or to break the day up or to work the day out of you. These financial, business and personal conundrums are all very important and are all matters that should be high on your priority list but you need to make them their own priority. Just like people make going to the gym a priority. They do so because it is its own entity and as such it should not engulf or encompass any of these other entities or priorities. In simple terms make the business mergers at the office or step outside of the gym if it is absolutely that important. Change your cable plan when you want a break from the everyday or when you want to step away from your desk. And above all things don’t try and maintain your financial stability at the gym. Do you really think it is a good time and place to talk Wells Fargo while Bruno does squat thrusts next to you? This one is just plain annoying, not disturbing. This is more of a heads up for your own well being. Leave that crap for some other time and leave it outside of the gym. If you want to work out at your own home gym with a Bluetooth in your ear in front of your own T.V. be my guest – that is a power play in a half. But most of us cannot afford that and that is why we go to our gym, where we pay fee’s to work out, to shape our selves into someone else for a brief period of the day. Enjoy the workout that you went to the gym for and leave life’s stresses at the office when you leave or at home, don’t bring it into a place that is supposed to relieve stress.

   I am holding all of the do’s for the last phase of this second mini series because they will apply to all three of these. And like so many of these offences do… I don’t want to waste your time. Although, I probably already do by posting this mess. Just kidding…but seriously. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: for the next three phases of this ongoing mild rant I want to bring up what I like to call the IPod trio. These next three phases are more comical to me than annoying. I don’t get as mad at these three as I do all of the others, but none the less, these three are still bothersome to many people sharing the communal gym.

Phase Nine of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Don’t: sing at the top of your lung while you listen to your IPod
It does not take a genius to realize that when you have your IPod volume cranked past “turn it the f’ down already,” your voice seems to project itself at higher decibels than usual. Why is this you ask, well it’s a matter of simple physicality’s really. You see the Lady Gaga Technocratic remix ft. Soulja Boy or whatever other god awful song you are blaring, is playing directly in your ear drum at a high level of capacity sound waves. This in turn blocks out external as well as internal interior sounds, like your own William Hung-like voice that makes you yourself want to cry whenever your head phones aren’t embedded in those tiny little ear drums of yours. And it’s perfectly ok that you have a dreadful singing voice, hell my own car radio tells me to shut up when I’m alone with it, that’s how bad my singing pipes are. Its not the signing itself that irritates others or makes me laugh, it’s the fact that everyone can hear you singing and on top of that everyone has to hear you at very high and extremely putrid levels. I do not want to be mid bench and have to hear your tone deaf acapella version of “loving you.” Last week I will have to say that I got a huge kick out of this exact scenario. I am in between a set of bicep curls just relaxing when out of no where this dude, this gargantuan of a human being actually, just bursts out into song (but of course only for a couple lines at a time). The dude next to me on the cable cross over machine  is in mid motion and completely falters and gets thrown off balance by this man’s startling yelp. It actually isn’t all that funny because the guy on the cable cross over machine totally almost rips his shoulder out of the socket when he was thrown off balance because of the tremendous singing talents of Baby Huey on the lat pull downs (waiting to start a new rep).

Do: keep it to yourself and sing in your head or under you breathe like the rest of us
Personally I could care less, I think it is hilarious. But after speaking with a couple of people at the gym and seeing its destructive effects on cross cable man, I realize that it is certainly a nuisance when people sing at the top of their lungs when they are listening to their IPods loudly at the gym. Listen – if you can hear me over your obnoxious singing voice – please just keep it in the voice box. There’s really not much else to say other than it is a spectacle or a distraction or in some cases a health hazard. So for the well being of others ear drums and limbs, try your best to not to let your inner Pavarotti out while in the gym. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Don’t: not wipe the equipment when you are done using it.

     There is absolutely nothing more repulsive than going to use a bench after Boris the 3 ton muscle machine just used it, and laying down unknowingly in a puddle of pure sweat.  It is a well known fact, even if you grace the presence of a bottom feeder on the IQ food chain, that when you do something to put your body in a constant state of motion/action/resistance that after a while you will begin to perspire (or more simply put – if you are highly active for more than thirty seconds at a time you are bound to sweat). With this common human knowledge ingrained into about 98.5% of the human population from about the age of four, it bewilders me as to why people, knowing this fact, believe that they do not sweat when in the gym on the gym’s equipment.  I see people who step off the treadmill, wipe the sweat from their brow and 30 seconds later hop onto a bench or a machine with some type of seating. Which in and of itself is completely fine, but then when they are done they just get up and walk away as their sweat glistens in a large stain left on that particular piece of equipment. This is just not ok in any situation. You would not go running for 20 minutes and then sit on your friends couch drenched in sweat (unless you are trying to mess with them somehow). At the gym it is slightly different, because it is ok to sit on that bench or seat after running for thirty minutes, but it is not ok to walk away without wiping down the equipment after using it. Whether you do it with a personal towel that you bring from home or a wipe that the gym offers, just simply take the 20 extra seconds to somewhat sanitize the equipment after you use it. The last thing that anyone wants is to get SARS from trying to reach a new bench mark on the press.

Do: WIPE DOWN THE EQUIPMENT AFTER USING IT

    There are a plethora of options when trying to complete this task.  One, you can actually follow gym rules (4 out of the five different chains of gyms had this in the bi-laws) and bring a towel with you to work out. Two, you can grab the disinfectant spray and a paper towel from one of the many different stations around most gyms and spray down the equipment and then wipe. Three, if you don’t have access to the spray or a disinfectant wipe, just take a paper towel at least to equipment so that you are at least lowering the level of precipitating moisture droppings that have gathered congregated where you last laid or sat. Any one of these three options should take you no longer than a minute total. Look at it this way it is the perfect amount of time to segway from one exercise to another – by cleaning the machinery you are giving yourself ample rest time between exercises, which ultimately allows for a more productive workout. Time and time again the solution boils down to common decency and the age old saying “do one to thy neighbor as you would have them do to you.” There are no secrets, no magic tricks, just simplistic everyday character traits to follow – that we should all be doing normally in society in general. Even though you may wipe down your bench completely you are still going to get that person who comes along and wipes it down again. Don’t get upset at this, some people are hyper clean, which is their own prerogative. It is the same as if you made a perfectly good hamburger and you think it is best served with just mayo and someone loads it up with ketchup and relish. They still think it is delicious, they just know their taste. But the important thing to remember here is to at least provide the hamburger by giving at the bare minimum a quick machine wipe down.

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Phase three of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”
3. Don’t: Don’t talk loud enough to where half of the gym can hear you.

- Is there ever really plausibly sound scenario, not just in the gym but in society in general, of when it would be appropriate for me to here your conversation while I am more than 40 feet away from you? The answer of course being not really: pending some interesting circumstances, none of which, however, can be applied to the communal gym setting. Who in the world wants to hear about how many sets you have done so far or how many “Jager” shots you and your overly hair gelled buddy did last Saturday or about how you are having relationship problems? The answer is once a gain a simple one, NO ONE but the immediate person that your conversation is directed towards. If I am in normal earshot of your conversation, then it is my own prerogative to hear what you are saying: at any time I can move a little bit further away and choose to work on something else if your conversation is bothering me. But if I am already a good distance away from you how the hell is this supposed to work. Should I be forced to listen to head phones when I am at the gym because I don’t want to hear your conversation from three car lengths away? No, I most certainly should not. You are having a great time and joking with your buddy and that is just fine and dandy but not everyone around you wants to hear about it. This is one of the main things that I notice the most when I am at the gym. It’s always one or two people each gym shift. Meaning that if you try to work out at night you will have one or two of them or if you want to work out in the afternoon you will have one or two of them. These are the same people that do this crap in public. They subconsciously want those around them to be impressed by what they have to say or they want their so called “swagger” to be a little more apparent. If the goal is to draw attention to yourself, well it is working, but the attention you are getting is probably not the kind you want. Whatever the case may be, regardless of what you are trying to do and regardless if it is truly intentional or not, cut it out it is annoying to most of those around you.
3. Do: Strike up a normal volume conversation and keep it quick

- I actually encourage people to strike up conversations while at the gym, it can be a great way to kill time in between sets and make new friends in the process. But at the same time this can be a slippery slope into these obnoxiously loud conversations. For example most of the people that I see exhibiting this behavior are gym buddies so to speak. Meaning that their relationship exists only at the gym, and when they see each other every other day or week it ignites this loud “Yo “insert name” what the hell have you been up to…man how’d that party go,” that can be heard half way across the gym. Just like with most of these other Do’s all that is really needed is a self awareness of your surroundings. I mean personally loud conversations that people have don’t really bother me all that much, I just find them to be annoying and ridiculous. If anything when they happen, they simply make the people having them look stupid, because usually the content is not something that typically needs to be blasted across the universe like it is. But the low key conversation with the person that shares the same gym times as you or the person that you are working in with are great and almost no negative factors can stem out of these occurrences – unless you are working in with a serial stalker, in which case you might be screwed for life (but that is a whole different story). So the bottom line really lies on you being mindful of your vocal volume and the fact that nobody around you really cares how long Dave did that keg stand for. Once again this is just my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase two of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”

 
2. Don’t: Don’t just jump on a piece of equipment and think it is open
 -There are two scenarios where this applies: the first scenario is simply just not asking to work in on a set. I can’t tell you how many times I will be standing two feet away from the machine or bench that I am using and someone will just come up and start doing sets on it, like nobody’s business. And then to make matters worse they just sit there when they are done like you were never really there. Finally when you let them know that you were using it they respond, “oh…well you can work in if you want.” NO, NO, NO, that is not how it works. You can in fact work in with me and go at my pace. I know it may sound selfish but what it really boils down to is once again a lack of common respect and social understanding. Everyone uses the equipment at the gym that is why they are there. So given this blatantly obvious fact, it should naturally occur to people to maybe survey the situation just a little before they jump on a machine – ten extra seconds of their time is all that is really needed. It is not very hard to see that the person standing right by the machine that you are about to use, might in fact be using it at this current moment. It is like the guy at the club or bar that immediately approaches the girl at the table before realizing that she has a 250 pound line backer boyfriend named Lazer who was getting her a beer and who doesn’t like people rudely invading his space. This in turn brings me to scenario number two: not asking people if they are done with the machine.

 People do in fact go to the drinking fountain or walk around to circulate the blood in between sets. And if you are waiting for the machine and you see them leave it, why don’t you just ask if they are done using it before you hop on it? What’s the worst that could happen, they say no? People are not going to get frustrated or upset at you if you simply ask, but they are going to get annoyed and peeved when you just butt in on their sets without asking. You know why, because now you are putting them into a socially awkward situation, where they have to confront you to do something that they were already engaged in. Now there is a disclaimer on this one: if you leave your machine or equipment for a long period of time, you cannot be upset if someone does in fact jump on it. But that is a whole different topic. You have essentially at this point turned something very simple into an unnecessary, complex, psychological interaction which often times creates uneasiness and aggravated or agitated behavior. When you go to the gym you should feel at ease and comfortable in your surroundings, as should those around you and hopping on a machine when it is not yours to hop on and without asking first completely negates this level of ease.
 2. Do: Survey and ASK
 -The biggest “do” in this scenario is a truly obvious one: be observant. As a human being living in a world where technically, you are never completely 100% secure in anything you might do, you should be somewhat good at surveying your surroundings. Look around, do you see someone hovering close by the equipment you want to use; is there a towel or a set of keys or a water bottle right there as well? If there is simply just wait a second and see if anyone comes back in the next couple of minutes and if not, go ahead and start using the machine. If someone happens to come back it’s no big deal. Simply excuse yourself and let them know that you did not think anyone was on it because no-one was around. Then just see if they mind if you work in with them. It’s a very simple system of social exchange, yet it is amazing to me to see all of the different people that completely ignore it altogether. Don’t be afraid to ask someone if you can work in with them. In most situations they will need to take a break in between sets and that should be more than ample time for you to get a set in. This also revolves around simple patience. Wait a couple seconds before just jumping on that machine or grabbing those weights, if it looks like someone is using them. If you don’t have a second to waste or you absolutely don’t want to work in with someone, go use another machine and if that doesn’t work then simply chill out on the ephedrine because you are getting a little too crazy.

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 So here is Phase one of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”

1. Don’t: Don’t slam your weights down on the ground

 - We all know that you are a novice lifter and that you are putting up crazy weight “bro,” but just because the ground is made out of rubber doesn’t mean you have to be the beacon of attention by slamming down your weights with a grunt. I totally understand that you are trying to go bigger and bigger with the amount of weight that you are putting up, as well you should, but find a spotter or just simply learn how lift. If you can put the weight up five times, you better believe that you can keep it from slamming down. Now I’m not talking about the little drop of the weight from about five inches up that makes a tiny thud, that is perfectly ok and that is in fact what the rubber floors are for. What I am talking about is the “I am on a terror of lifting…I’m so exhausted and pumped at the same time that I can’t control how I put my weight down so I just let it fall or flail to the ground or in the heat of the moment I give it a little toss.” This causes a scene and according to the people at the gym that I spoke with makes you look like a complete idiot that doesn’t know what they are doing. And for the most part the people that are dropping these weights or slamming them on the ground are ruining their muscles by not properly finishing the exercise and instead just simply letting their limbs flop around – which in turn leads to pulled, shredded, strained or torn muscles and ligaments.

 1. Do: Grab a spotter, use appropriate weight or drop lightly

 - You don’t have to go to the gym with a work out buddy to find yourself a spotter. Just simply ask someone working out in your close vicinity – that is in between their sets resting – to see if they will spot you. That way you can go with heavier weights but in a controlled environment, that allows you to increase your strength in a healthy manner that is not destructive to the immediate world around you. And who knows you might even find yourself a new friend in passing.

 Use appropriate weights. If for some reason you can’t find a spotter then make sure the amount of weight that you are using is appropriate for you to use alone with out causing harm to or making a spectacle out of yourself. You can use those heavier weights but make sure that they aren’t heavy enough that when you are done with your set you cannot properly real them in and set them down. Be honest with yourself: you know what weight you can handle. Don’t try to push it to make yourself look like your putting up more weight in front of these people that you don’t really even know. You should be going to the gym to better yourself in some way and you need to remind yourself about that the next time you are feeling self conscious about yourself and try to take on more weight than you can handle.

 Like I said before, it is ok to drop your weights a tad little bit so that you do not strain your back or other muscles putting your weight down. But when you are doing a standing lift set and you drop them from slightly below waste level or when you are re-racking a weight on the bench and you just toss it or drop it instead of laying it down that is just ridiculous. This goes the same for people who are using machine assisted weights: don’t drop the weight so that it slams down on the other stack of weights. Once again not only are you making a scene but you are also not using the machine correctly in a controlled manner which can in fact result in serious or minor injury and who wants that.

 Disclaimer: Once again I am no expert on when it comes to the gym (I just go a lot) and I am certainly no saint. I am fully aware that I have once or twice been guilty of the old weight drop – almost everyone that lifts heavier weights has. But the difference is that I am immediately self aware and I make sure it doesn’t happen again in the near future. And as I mentioned before about 85% of the people that are their follow these practices because they are just common sense. These are only meant to be tips for you to think about the next time you are in the gym. And remember I am just a guy with an opinion, take it or leave it.

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