Phase Fifteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

There is no real do or don’t on this one, it more of a personal inquiry that I felt needed to be thrown out there and established. No matter how I say this it is going to come out wrong so please bear with me. I am having a hard time understanding why personal trainers at various gyms (and even in personal resident gyms) are not in shape themselves. I am by no means talking down to people that are not in shape, unless you are out of shape and are a personal trainer at the gym. This is an anomaly to me. When you are supposed to be teaching others how to become fit and practice a healthy lifestyle, you yourself should be an exemplary model for your pupil to follow suite.

Now, I understand that this trainer might have a degree in physiology, kinesiology, have been through several trainings and/or courses to qulify them as a trainer (or maybe none of the above) and they do in fact know what you are talking about, so their expertise can theoretically be trusted. But things that are theoretically sound do not always apply to real life practice and pursuit. We can lay out an efficiently sound plan to re-build our economy that looks great on the bill but it doesn’t mean that it is necessarily going to work when applied to the economy and its fiscal droughts. It is hard to get motivated by someone and trust them with your personal conditioning and well being when they themselves are not physically fit.

I guess the thing that makes me the most frustrated is that if I am going to choose a profession, I would want to be the best at it or at least at the top of my game. And with a job like personal trainer, where your physical appearance does have quite an impact, I would think that it would be a motivator for you yourself, as a trainer, to get into shape. You are actively trying to change some.

Like I said before I may be completely off basis with this one. I guess I can see two main counter arguments to this. One being: it doesn’t really matter what the person looks like as long as they know what they are talking about and I can trust them with my body’s well being. And I do pretty much agree with that in a logical sense, just not in a practical one – but once again that is just personal preference. The other counter to my argument that I could see as being somewhat relevant is that it might be beneficial to have an out of shape trainer in the sense that it boosts your morale. For example if I am out of shape and so is my trainer, it is going to boost my moral if on a daily, weekly and monthly basis I can see that my overall physical fitness level is exceeding that of my trainer’s. This would boost confidence levels and might increases personal drives and performances.

Both of these counter examples are purely based out of speculation. I have no idea as to what people think on this subject. And seeing how I am noticing this more and more these days I wanted some outside perspective on it. That is why I wrote this specific entry. I want to hear what you all have to say about this. What do you think about personal trainers who are out of shape? You all know my opinion on the matter, do you agree, disagree or put simply you could care less? Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: this is phase two of the mini series “Three Amigos of Cell abuse.”

Phase Thirteen of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

   Don’t: attempt to complete a life altering business merger or try to get your life together over the phone at the gym.

   All three of the aforementioned phone conversations seem a little extreme and maybe even far fetched for an everyday workout at the gym, but at least once a week while I’ m working out I notice one of these three occurring. Now, I work out at three different gyms in three different areas every week and I have seen this at least once a week since I started noticing these “do’s and don’ts of the gym world.” Even more disturbing is the fact that I go at sporadic times and I am only at the gym usually for an hour to an hour and a half. That in itself isn’t the disturbing part, the disturbing aspect of all of these statistics is that if I am catching this at least once a week, at any of the three given gyms that I go to at an of the given times that I am at them, then holy hell this must be happening a lot.
And with this one it’s not just mainly a male phenomenon. Ladies, you in no way are exempt. I have seen women trying to setting up high powered business appointments, trying to change cable accounts and of all things attempting to organize their finances all while mid workout in the middle of the gym floor – guys I see the same things go on with you as well. I say of all things, because isn’t the gym a place you can go to leave all of that other crap behind for a hot minute. You go to the gym to get the day started on a good foot or to break the day up or to work the day out of you. These financial, business and personal conundrums are all very important and are all matters that should be high on your priority list but you need to make them their own priority. Just like people make going to the gym a priority. They do so because it is its own entity and as such it should not engulf or encompass any of these other entities or priorities. In simple terms make the business mergers at the office or step outside of the gym if it is absolutely that important. Change your cable plan when you want a break from the everyday or when you want to step away from your desk. And above all things don’t try and maintain your financial stability at the gym. Do you really think it is a good time and place to talk Wells Fargo while Bruno does squat thrusts next to you? This one is just plain annoying, not disturbing. This is more of a heads up for your own well being. Leave that crap for some other time and leave it outside of the gym. If you want to work out at your own home gym with a Bluetooth in your ear in front of your own T.V. be my guest – that is a power play in a half. But most of us cannot afford that and that is why we go to our gym, where we pay fee’s to work out, to shape our selves into someone else for a brief period of the day. Enjoy the workout that you went to the gym for and leave life’s stresses at the office when you leave or at home, don’t bring it into a place that is supposed to relieve stress.

   I am holding all of the do’s for the last phase of this second mini series because they will apply to all three of these. And like so many of these offences do… I don’t want to waste your time. Although, I probably already do by posting this mess. Just kidding…but seriously. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: for the next three phases of this ongoing mild rant I want to bring up are similar to the IPod trio, but unlike the IPod trio they are much more annoying and bothersome to me and others around. These next three phases I will refer to as Three Amigos of Cell abuse. All three of these things bug me to no avail, almost a little more than any of the other “self proclaimed” offenses that I have mentioned in the past.

Phase Twelve of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Don’t: talk on the phone and try to work out for extended periods of time

I see this one happen on a regular basis on so many different fronts with so many different levels.

Level one: the “What is happening tonight call.” This call at the gym always seems to come when others are waiting for your equipment. Rightfully so, you yourself might have waited for the equipment and that with that being said are in fact initialed to use it how you see fit. But that does not include making people wait an extra five to ten minutes because you want to find out what club your bro Chad is going to be at tonight. A lot of people are pressed for time at the gym, and while I know that is a personal issue there should be a medium. Now if I am in a hurry and I go to the gym and equipment is simply not readily available because others are diligently using it and I am not able to get a full work out in, then it is my own fault for trying to squeeze in a work out when I didn’t really have enough time to begin with. But if I am in a hurry and want to use a machine but the person on the machine tells me to hold off because they just have a few more sets, and then they answer there phone to talk for another 5 min and then do their sets then I am entitled to be a little pissed off. Why do I have to wait for you to wrap up your phone conversation so that I can use the equipment? Most people who answer the phone at the gym realize this and are at least decent enough to let you work in or move away form the equipment and let you use it. But there is that 25% in this category that instantly transform themselves into the power tool isle at Home Depot. And yes, I do mean the whole isle. By doing this you are going past being a singular tool, you are stepping into a whole new realm where your tool-ness is pissing others off and is no longer just something that other people laugh at your expense. I feel so bad for people that are actually nice and wait for these H.D.’s to not only finish up their sets but also their telephone conversations. I have no patience when it comes to crap like this, which probably makes me an ass and which probably puts me on someone else’s “gym offender’s type cast list.” But on this one I don’t care because I am not budging on my stance regarding this issue. I have only had this happen to me personally once and at first I was cool about it. I said to myself “ok this guy told me to wait because he is almost done… for sure I will just wait for him to finish up.” But then I see him answer his cell, and again I think to myself “I will just wait for him to wrap up this call. He will probably tell whoever is on the other line that he is in the middle of working out and that he will call right back.” Wrong. I waited for about a minute until I realized that he was not about to end the conversation, and then I signaled the old “can work in with you.” And he so toolishly gave me the wait one sec gesture. At this point I was still patient, but yet another minute went by and he had yet to commence in doing a set or getting off of his phone. So I literally hopped on the machine and started doing my own sets. He looked at me like I wasn’t wearing pants, like he could not believe what he was seeing. He was like I am still on that…so I did what any normal person pushed to the brink of being an a-hole by someone else would do…I gave him a taste of his own medicine. I told him “hey man that’s cool you can work in if you want.” That irked him to no avail, but who the hell cares…I certainly don’t. And like I said, in some regards that makes me a hypocrite. But what is he going to do. Is he going to pick a fight with me? Is he going to just walk away still talking on his cell? Or is he going to hang up and finish his sets in between mine? And for that matter what m I supposed to do. Go tell on you like a little child? Sit their and wait another ten minutes? End my work out short? Or do what I did and then bitch about it three weeks later in some off the top blog? I am going with the last option on this one.

I am holding all of the does for the last phase of this second mini series because they will apply to all three of these. And like so many of these offences do… I don’t want to waste your time. Although I probably already do by posting this mess. Just kidding…but seriously. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: this is phase three of the mini series – the IPod trio

Phase Ten of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

 Don’t: listen to your IPod or music device at ungodly levels

First and foremost, by listening to your IPod way louder than you should be you are destroying your inner ear (75% of the parts included). The thumping kicks of drum beats, the “audiotisticle” rampage of harrowing guitars, the high thumping bass of digital audio and even the bongo drum in a acoustic college radio song all severely damage the ear and effect the proficiency of one’s personal hearing abilities, if amplified at loud volumes.  This is especially prevalent and in many cases much worse when it happens with head phones, magnifying sound with a greater immediacy to the inner ear – according to several studies done by the Swedish. Ok, now that my attempt to make myself sound more academically profound has concluded – it’s bad for your hearing to listen to loud crap. But where this comes into play in our little realm of fitness is its invasive nature on the hearing of others around the “soon to be hearing-impaired” gym goer with his or her head phones turned up full blast. I don’t mean to sound crude (ok who am I kidding, that is why I write these rants) but me being able to hear your Tom Jones – over not only the music already playing at the gym, but the clinking sounds of the equipments, the ongoing conversations, and the loud grunts of our other offenders – is kind of ridiculous in it’s own right. I’m half and half on this situation. In some regards the invasive nature of me that sometimes likes to rear its head about from time to time, likes to be able to match a song to a face. Meaning that I find it interesting in some regards to see if the behemoth with the tattoo’s on his face is listening to an old slayer album or is in fact getting his Britney on or if the tiny little girl doing leg extensions is listening to an indie Conor Oberst track or in fact kicking it old school with Andre and Big Boi with an “Atliens” track. But the other half of me is like, what if it is “afternoon delight” set to repeat? Should I have to hear that all work out long because I forgot my IPod and I can’t focus on the gym’s music or my workout because I keep thinking of Ron Burgundy or the actual nature of the song itself? Of course I don’t typically run into people at the gym who bump afternoon delight, but I do run into people at the gym all of the time who have music that I hate blaring out of their head phones to a point that I am forced to listen if I want to use a machine. And then there is also the guy, who I see from time to time at the gym who forgot to bring his IPhone head phones and is just listening to his music from the speakers – wow that is annoying. I have only seen this happen four times but it has definitely happened four times too many.

 Do:  Listen to your IPod at a reasonable level and make sure that you do in fact have head phones in, in the first place.

The same mentality as the person in the movie who knowingly doesn’t put their phone on silent, or the person that lets their cell phone ring so they can get to the good part of the their ringtone, or the person that bumps Tupac while stuck at red light in front of a kindergarten cross walk, applies here. What you listen too or what you like applies to you and should only apply to you and not to others around you – unless of course you are prompted and invited to share. Why should I be subject to your personal tastes unless I want to be. In general when out in public, in a shared communal setting, people in this shared space should not be able to hear what you are playing on your IPod because it is too loud or because you are using your speakers and just can’t go with out “PYT” for that hour that you are in the gym. I find also that this seems to be the culprit of the trio. Having your IPod too loud leads to you singing loudly and also leads to you dancing around. In fact of these three IPod trio occurrences this one is the least harmless, the most offensive to the general public surrounding it, and it leads to other occurrences that disturb one self as well as others around them. With this definition I would say it is like marijuana in the “Nixon/refer madness era,” it is the gateway drug that is difficult to lead to anything good. Ok I’m just kidding about that one, but just do us all a favor and be mindful of the volume of your personal music device. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Side note: for the next three phases of this ongoing mild rant I want to bring up what I like to call the IPod trio. These next three phases are more comical to me than annoying. I don’t get as mad at these three as I do all of the others, but none the less, these three are still bothersome to many people sharing the communal gym.

Phase Nine of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything.”

Don’t: sing at the top of your lung while you listen to your IPod
It does not take a genius to realize that when you have your IPod volume cranked past “turn it the f’ down already,” your voice seems to project itself at higher decibels than usual. Why is this you ask, well it’s a matter of simple physicality’s really. You see the Lady Gaga Technocratic remix ft. Soulja Boy or whatever other god awful song you are blaring, is playing directly in your ear drum at a high level of capacity sound waves. This in turn blocks out external as well as internal interior sounds, like your own William Hung-like voice that makes you yourself want to cry whenever your head phones aren’t embedded in those tiny little ear drums of yours. And it’s perfectly ok that you have a dreadful singing voice, hell my own car radio tells me to shut up when I’m alone with it, that’s how bad my singing pipes are. Its not the signing itself that irritates others or makes me laugh, it’s the fact that everyone can hear you singing and on top of that everyone has to hear you at very high and extremely putrid levels. I do not want to be mid bench and have to hear your tone deaf acapella version of “loving you.” Last week I will have to say that I got a huge kick out of this exact scenario. I am in between a set of bicep curls just relaxing when out of no where this dude, this gargantuan of a human being actually, just bursts out into song (but of course only for a couple lines at a time). The dude next to me on the cable cross over machine  is in mid motion and completely falters and gets thrown off balance by this man’s startling yelp. It actually isn’t all that funny because the guy on the cable cross over machine totally almost rips his shoulder out of the socket when he was thrown off balance because of the tremendous singing talents of Baby Huey on the lat pull downs (waiting to start a new rep).

Do: keep it to yourself and sing in your head or under you breathe like the rest of us
Personally I could care less, I think it is hilarious. But after speaking with a couple of people at the gym and seeing its destructive effects on cross cable man, I realize that it is certainly a nuisance when people sing at the top of their lungs when they are listening to their IPods loudly at the gym. Listen – if you can hear me over your obnoxious singing voice – please just keep it in the voice box. There’s really not much else to say other than it is a spectacle or a distraction or in some cases a health hazard. So for the well being of others ear drums and limbs, try your best to not to let your inner Pavarotti out while in the gym. Once again this is simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Stretch It Out

For many people, stretching is a chore. Touch my toes? Do a yoga pose? Forget it, you say — I’m tired after my gym workout and just want to head home. But stretching can reduce your recovery time after a workout, promote healthy joints, increase flexibility, and decrease muscle tightness. Remember, if you feel good after a workout, you’re more likely to head back to the gym again!

Staying flexible can help keep a bounce in your step as you age. There was a woman in my yoga class who was 60 years old (as she liked to let everyone know), but she had the body and attitude of a 30-year-old. I like to think it was because of her faithful yoga practice, which incorporates stretching.

Want to get started? Try these options:

Yoga class.  You’ll get a good full-body stretch in each yoga class. In the yoga class I used to take, the instructor would ask the students where they felt tight that day, and would customize the session to target those muscles. Yoga Finder can help you locate a class near you.

Online instruction.  About.com: Physical Therapy offers instructions and photos for dozens of stretches, including sports-specific stretches.

Tai chi. This is a calming martial arts workout that can help improve flexibility. Tai Chi Central lists some schools, and you can also find martial arts schools in your local Yellow Pages.

Videos.  There are several free stretching videos on YouTube, such as this 5 Minute Stretch Routine.

 You can also find stretching videos for rent or purchase on Amazon.com. Besides stretching, look for keywords like Tai Chi and Chi Kung (an ancient Chinese health care system that includes physical postures and breathing techniques — also spelled qigong).

Books.  Amazon.com and the sports section of your local bookstore offer books on stretching and flexibility. Try The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Stretching.

Whatever kind of stretching you opt for, follow these three easy tips to get the most out of it:

• Stretch warm. I used to take a karate class where we’d do extreme stretches before the main workout. Ouch! Stretching cold muscles can cause injuries, so be sure to save your stretching for afteryour workout. If you’re doing stretching exercises from a book or video at home, warm up with some light cardio first.
• No bouncing! Use a steady pressure.
•  No pain, all gain.  A slight discomfort is fine, but pain is a red flag.
• Hold it.  Hold each stretch for at least 30 seconds.

I’m lucky that I love stretching, but even if it’s not your thing, you should give it a try. You probably didn’t like cardio or weight training when you first started, either, but you kept them up because you know they’re key for a healthy lifestyle. Add some stretching to your day, and your body will thank you.

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Don’t: not wipe the equipment when you are done using it.

     There is absolutely nothing more repulsive than going to use a bench after Boris the 3 ton muscle machine just used it, and laying down unknowingly in a puddle of pure sweat.  It is a well known fact, even if you grace the presence of a bottom feeder on the IQ food chain, that when you do something to put your body in a constant state of motion/action/resistance that after a while you will begin to perspire (or more simply put – if you are highly active for more than thirty seconds at a time you are bound to sweat). With this common human knowledge ingrained into about 98.5% of the human population from about the age of four, it bewilders me as to why people, knowing this fact, believe that they do not sweat when in the gym on the gym’s equipment.  I see people who step off the treadmill, wipe the sweat from their brow and 30 seconds later hop onto a bench or a machine with some type of seating. Which in and of itself is completely fine, but then when they are done they just get up and walk away as their sweat glistens in a large stain left on that particular piece of equipment. This is just not ok in any situation. You would not go running for 20 minutes and then sit on your friends couch drenched in sweat (unless you are trying to mess with them somehow). At the gym it is slightly different, because it is ok to sit on that bench or seat after running for thirty minutes, but it is not ok to walk away without wiping down the equipment after using it. Whether you do it with a personal towel that you bring from home or a wipe that the gym offers, just simply take the 20 extra seconds to somewhat sanitize the equipment after you use it. The last thing that anyone wants is to get SARS from trying to reach a new bench mark on the press.

Do: WIPE DOWN THE EQUIPMENT AFTER USING IT

    There are a plethora of options when trying to complete this task.  One, you can actually follow gym rules (4 out of the five different chains of gyms had this in the bi-laws) and bring a towel with you to work out. Two, you can grab the disinfectant spray and a paper towel from one of the many different stations around most gyms and spray down the equipment and then wipe. Three, if you don’t have access to the spray or a disinfectant wipe, just take a paper towel at least to equipment so that you are at least lowering the level of precipitating moisture droppings that have gathered congregated where you last laid or sat. Any one of these three options should take you no longer than a minute total. Look at it this way it is the perfect amount of time to segway from one exercise to another – by cleaning the machinery you are giving yourself ample rest time between exercises, which ultimately allows for a more productive workout. Time and time again the solution boils down to common decency and the age old saying “do one to thy neighbor as you would have them do to you.” There are no secrets, no magic tricks, just simplistic everyday character traits to follow – that we should all be doing normally in society in general. Even though you may wipe down your bench completely you are still going to get that person who comes along and wipes it down again. Don’t get upset at this, some people are hyper clean, which is their own prerogative. It is the same as if you made a perfectly good hamburger and you think it is best served with just mayo and someone loads it up with ketchup and relish. They still think it is delicious, they just know their taste. But the important thing to remember here is to at least provide the hamburger by giving at the bare minimum a quick machine wipe down.

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The Ultimate Protein Shake

   Ok if anyone does follow actually follow my blog on a weekly, my apologies for breaking up the gym etiquette segment, but I feel like I need to share a few new things that I have discovered coming from none other than our favorite protein company Designer Whey and a couple of creative minds. The gym etiquette segment is not finished, believe me there are plethora of things left to gawk about. But I figured I would throw a few positive things in the mix so that I don’t seem like such an elitist negative Nancy. I wanted to share with all of you this week, the ultimate health protein shake that will kill that hunger craving and will help build muscle through quicker recovery.

   To start you are going to need a blender – yes this is going to take a little more effort than just a spoon and a cup. Once you find the blender make sure you wash out all of the margarita residue from last weekend: the point of this shake is the amazing taste. Grab a cup of Ice to start and dump it in the blender. Then pour in about ¾ of a cup of water (you can use Milk but it just fills you up that much more) on to the ice. Now for the next part go out and get yourself Designer Whey’s chocolate and chocolate caramel protein powders . When adding the protein powder, add to your liking. Meaning, if you are using protein shakes as a form of dieting or to speed up your metabolism only use about 1 to 2 scoops but if you are trying to gain mass and build muscle use 3 to 5 scoops. What I do is I take two scoops of the chocolate powder and two scoops of the chocolate caramel powder (or if I feel like mixing it up two scoops of chocolate and two scoops of vanilla) and put it on top of the ice and water mixture. Then I take a scoop of cookies and cream light frozen yogurt and drop it in there with a spoon full of peanut butter.

   Now I am going to throw in a warning here about the peanut butter. I love crunchy chunky peanut butter way more than creamy but it does not work so well in this shake. I say this because even with a high grade blender you will still get those little chunks of peanuts floating around and although they are delicious they make you choke and who really wants that. So my suggestion is suck it up and get creamy peanut butter, it gives you the same great flavor. I also say spend the extra dollar and fifty cents and get the lower fat peanut butter.

   Once you have the ice cream and peanut butter in the mix with the protein and ice water, you add what I like to call the non-topping toppings in. The first of these two is the banana. Cut the banana in half, peel it and then cut one of the halves into sevenths and them drop into the blender. Next throw in a couple of squirts of Hershey’s light chocolate syrup. If I could guess right now you are probably thinking to yourself, how is this shake healthy and the answer is simple. Almost all of the caloric content of this drink (with the exception of the light chocolate syrup) are “good for you” calories, meaning that they are easily burnt off and highly utilized within the body. Not to mention that 95% of the ingredients in the shake help speed up the muscle recovery – which is why it is the perfect drink for after the gym. And on top of everything sprinkle in three to four dashes of cinnamon. Cinnamon has also been proven to help speed up and better glucose metabolism which gives it a lot of value in this shake and makes it a little healthier for you. The only two things missing from this shake to make it the ultimate protein fix is a spoon full of tuna and an egg. But we won’t put those in because the idea of this shake is to gain nutrients not to expel the nutrients that you have acquired during the day, with a horrifically induced vomiting session from the taste of this thing.

   Now that everything is in there go ahead and blend to your liking. I like to get it to the consistency of a restaurant style milkshake. This shake is ideal for taking within 30 minutes of any muscle workout longer than 30 minutes in length. If you are trying to build muscle or gain mass this shake has got everything that could want. Give it a try: it’s delicious.

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Phase three of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”
3. Don’t: Don’t talk loud enough to where half of the gym can hear you.

- Is there ever really plausibly sound scenario, not just in the gym but in society in general, of when it would be appropriate for me to here your conversation while I am more than 40 feet away from you? The answer of course being not really: pending some interesting circumstances, none of which, however, can be applied to the communal gym setting. Who in the world wants to hear about how many sets you have done so far or how many “Jager” shots you and your overly hair gelled buddy did last Saturday or about how you are having relationship problems? The answer is once a gain a simple one, NO ONE but the immediate person that your conversation is directed towards. If I am in normal earshot of your conversation, then it is my own prerogative to hear what you are saying: at any time I can move a little bit further away and choose to work on something else if your conversation is bothering me. But if I am already a good distance away from you how the hell is this supposed to work. Should I be forced to listen to head phones when I am at the gym because I don’t want to hear your conversation from three car lengths away? No, I most certainly should not. You are having a great time and joking with your buddy and that is just fine and dandy but not everyone around you wants to hear about it. This is one of the main things that I notice the most when I am at the gym. It’s always one or two people each gym shift. Meaning that if you try to work out at night you will have one or two of them or if you want to work out in the afternoon you will have one or two of them. These are the same people that do this crap in public. They subconsciously want those around them to be impressed by what they have to say or they want their so called “swagger” to be a little more apparent. If the goal is to draw attention to yourself, well it is working, but the attention you are getting is probably not the kind you want. Whatever the case may be, regardless of what you are trying to do and regardless if it is truly intentional or not, cut it out it is annoying to most of those around you.
3. Do: Strike up a normal volume conversation and keep it quick

- I actually encourage people to strike up conversations while at the gym, it can be a great way to kill time in between sets and make new friends in the process. But at the same time this can be a slippery slope into these obnoxiously loud conversations. For example most of the people that I see exhibiting this behavior are gym buddies so to speak. Meaning that their relationship exists only at the gym, and when they see each other every other day or week it ignites this loud “Yo “insert name” what the hell have you been up to…man how’d that party go,” that can be heard half way across the gym. Just like with most of these other Do’s all that is really needed is a self awareness of your surroundings. I mean personally loud conversations that people have don’t really bother me all that much, I just find them to be annoying and ridiculous. If anything when they happen, they simply make the people having them look stupid, because usually the content is not something that typically needs to be blasted across the universe like it is. But the low key conversation with the person that shares the same gym times as you or the person that you are working in with are great and almost no negative factors can stem out of these occurrences – unless you are working in with a serial stalker, in which case you might be screwed for life (but that is a whole different story). So the bottom line really lies on you being mindful of your vocal volume and the fact that nobody around you really cares how long Dave did that keg stand for. Once again this is just my opinion, take it or leave it.

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Phase two of “appropriate behavior at the gym: the do’s and don’ts, according to a guy with an opinion about anything and everything”

 
2. Don’t: Don’t just jump on a piece of equipment and think it is open
 -There are two scenarios where this applies: the first scenario is simply just not asking to work in on a set. I can’t tell you how many times I will be standing two feet away from the machine or bench that I am using and someone will just come up and start doing sets on it, like nobody’s business. And then to make matters worse they just sit there when they are done like you were never really there. Finally when you let them know that you were using it they respond, “oh…well you can work in if you want.” NO, NO, NO, that is not how it works. You can in fact work in with me and go at my pace. I know it may sound selfish but what it really boils down to is once again a lack of common respect and social understanding. Everyone uses the equipment at the gym that is why they are there. So given this blatantly obvious fact, it should naturally occur to people to maybe survey the situation just a little before they jump on a machine – ten extra seconds of their time is all that is really needed. It is not very hard to see that the person standing right by the machine that you are about to use, might in fact be using it at this current moment. It is like the guy at the club or bar that immediately approaches the girl at the table before realizing that she has a 250 pound line backer boyfriend named Lazer who was getting her a beer and who doesn’t like people rudely invading his space. This in turn brings me to scenario number two: not asking people if they are done with the machine.

 People do in fact go to the drinking fountain or walk around to circulate the blood in between sets. And if you are waiting for the machine and you see them leave it, why don’t you just ask if they are done using it before you hop on it? What’s the worst that could happen, they say no? People are not going to get frustrated or upset at you if you simply ask, but they are going to get annoyed and peeved when you just butt in on their sets without asking. You know why, because now you are putting them into a socially awkward situation, where they have to confront you to do something that they were already engaged in. Now there is a disclaimer on this one: if you leave your machine or equipment for a long period of time, you cannot be upset if someone does in fact jump on it. But that is a whole different topic. You have essentially at this point turned something very simple into an unnecessary, complex, psychological interaction which often times creates uneasiness and aggravated or agitated behavior. When you go to the gym you should feel at ease and comfortable in your surroundings, as should those around you and hopping on a machine when it is not yours to hop on and without asking first completely negates this level of ease.
 2. Do: Survey and ASK
 -The biggest “do” in this scenario is a truly obvious one: be observant. As a human being living in a world where technically, you are never completely 100% secure in anything you might do, you should be somewhat good at surveying your surroundings. Look around, do you see someone hovering close by the equipment you want to use; is there a towel or a set of keys or a water bottle right there as well? If there is simply just wait a second and see if anyone comes back in the next couple of minutes and if not, go ahead and start using the machine. If someone happens to come back it’s no big deal. Simply excuse yourself and let them know that you did not think anyone was on it because no-one was around. Then just see if they mind if you work in with them. It’s a very simple system of social exchange, yet it is amazing to me to see all of the different people that completely ignore it altogether. Don’t be afraid to ask someone if you can work in with them. In most situations they will need to take a break in between sets and that should be more than ample time for you to get a set in. This also revolves around simple patience. Wait a couple seconds before just jumping on that machine or grabbing those weights, if it looks like someone is using them. If you don’t have a second to waste or you absolutely don’t want to work in with someone, go use another machine and if that doesn’t work then simply chill out on the ephedrine because you are getting a little too crazy.

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